2022/11/02 English

Today I worked late. This morning I read Susumu Sogo's "Can't live without movies 1999-2002" as usual. When I was 40 years old, I learned about his book and decided to read it. Since then, this author has been my model of how I should get older and more mature for me. I am already 47 years old and have to live through the process of getting older. I adore Susumu Sogo's style of learning that way of getting mature. I have also some friends who are walking in front of me. That is precious to me.

I listened to Original Love's songs. One of their songs, "Million Secrets of Jazz" gripped my mind suddenly. I can live this life because of Jazz... I guess I can understand what this song says. I am not living with great ideologies or isms. Indeed, I certainly have a dream or a hope, but it is as important that I can enjoy the groove of Jazz and Hip-hop which sounds friendly to me. I also have enjoyed various favorite novelists and columnists, and delicious meals. I can enjoy this sober life. That is good.

I have a job, delicious meals as I wrote, and a place I can stay. If I try not to be so greedy, my life is good... I also have many friends. I talked with Judith on WhatsApp and she said that I am a friend of hers. Ah, when I believed that no one couldn't have worth to be trusted, I thought everyone hated and laughed at me so I must act like everybody was my enemy. It was foolish. Now I feel not afraid of showing this myself straightly. I show myself plainly, and that attitude helps me to make friends. In this diary and the real...I show myself and they accept me. I can feel the touch.

After 10 years, what life would wait for me? If I become my 50s... the 50s is the era Yoshikichi Furui wrote his "Karioujyouden Shibun". I can never write that kind of "ultra profound" novel (and I might not need to write). I live my life and that's all. What is the thing I can trust certainly? As I wrote before, I will keep on reading Haruki Murakami and Susumu Sogo. I also try to talk to myself by writing my diaries like this. I would get the complete form of my life. I could try to speak English more. I want to have the chance... I might try to find the chance to express myself in English more aggressively.