I am never a morning person so I can't manage my mood in the morning. I even worried that I couldn't work well. I posted my anxiety on Discord. Then other friends said to me powerful words that helped me, and I could go to the office with that helps. I never imagined that I could be treated kindly like that. I remember that I was quite a strange person so was hated terribly anywhere. I can't understand why I had been hated like that by now. I am always me, the person who is here like this. Audrey Tang's books gave me the hint that being myself with courage is important.
I am always working as a worker on the underground level, just a nameless employee. I work quietly and never do any great job. But the number of friends on my server of Discord increases so I can feel that the world itself is changing exactly. I don't have to hurry. Once I had a hurry because I couldn't change the situation or the life itself. I had a serious struggle to change this situation. But now I can feel that everything is changing so I want to keep on having the attitude to believe in myself, the power in me.
I believe that I could get the hope for the future, or I could learn to have the hope for the future by reading Audrey Tang's books. Ah, I will be 47 this year. What have I achieved in this life? I feel sick if I think about that. But Audrey Tang's books tell me that 'from now' I can create my life freely. I might have to read Emanuel Castelle's books she recommended in her books (although I should read them in English). I feel joyful that positive thoughts or ideas flood me with a sober mind. This is priceless.
I have been writing this journal for about a year. I'm glad that I can keep on writing until now. That's because there are many people who help me everywhere like in a group home. Ah, I never am alone. I have got many readers of this journal, and I have met various people who help me by working as helpers or job coaches. And also, I have many people I can share my worries with. What was that loneliness which suffered me? Now I never think that. I am still me and have never changed. Just I'm an old dude who likes listening to Blur and lives with a simple mind!