BGM: Pulp - Disco 2000
Being influenced by an article, I thought of the 100 books which have built this myself. Yes, I drastically thought I wanted to try to go back to the time I learned how reading was pleasant at the beginning... then I remembered the time I read Stephen King's "The Body" at my teenage days. And then, I read Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" again and again... Finally, it took a few hours to be completed as a list. I thought that "I am an idiot". I wish this could be a good friend of your reading. Indeed, this is just a way of "enjoying leisure" or "killing time". So don't take this serious. Just think as "it can be" if you find any books you have never read. But there books are just the ones which "knocked" my mind, so you might be able to judge who I am by reading these books (sorry, this article is just for the Japanese only) .
And I got a time (it was a day off for me so I had enough time). I read Yaeko Kondou's "Audrey Tang's thoughts". She is really famous in this country Japan, but it is a great work which couldn't be blown by any "boom". It tells me how the history of Taiwan is or how she has lived steadily. I basically think that the Japanese people adore various geniuses as Shohei Ohtani, and Audrey Tang must be also loved by the amazing talent which tells us that "IQ 180". But actually, (at least, from this book) she is a "neighbor" for us. She stands on the same ground as us, but she also has keen bird's eyes and looked at the global scene. Indeed, I never have any gifted talent as her, but I just want to follow her eyes. I got various clues from this book too.
I had written a thanksgiving to my job coach, and she sent me a LINE message about it. I remember the past. Once, I strictly thought that "I am just an idiot" and "I should die". At the workplace I was heavily bullied every day, and couldn't endure so drank a lot. With a drunken head, I was into Twitter and dissed a lot to the government. I exactly dissed everything of Japan every day. Yes, that can't be any creative critical trials so can nothing to change the reality. A total waste of time... and probably it was bad because I was basically a loser in my mind. This is too cruel? Once I needed alcohol as cars need gas. That's good (or that can't have any alternative ways). But now I decided. I learned that a lot of people as my job coach is working for me now. I can't show miserable myself... Ah, I am saying "I'm strong" again.
This night, I went to the "danshu" meeting and confess my story. Probably because of a decision, new members started joining this meeting steadily. Listening to those new members' stories, I can notice that I am learning from those new ones. Great lessons... I once thought that I had to "grip" the happiness from outside. As the result, I went to Waseda but could nothing pleasant, and felt a huge emptiness. But, quitting alcohol, I started confessing my stories at the meeting, and now I'm trying to search for the "inner" world of myself. Then I started finding what was the source of my misery. Confessing can work as a medicine. And... reading or thinking something like this will work as a pleasant activity for me I noticed. I can't become bigger or grater. But now, I can live a "not bad" life, a satisfied life. Then I shouldn't search more.