BGM: Underworld - Rez
I usually write my ideas onto a memo pad, which has the name Mnemosyne from Maruman. Once, when the corona disease started, I bought this memo pad at Tokyu Hands in Himeji city and started writing various ideas. The different fact from other people's might be the one I am using English to write. Sometimes people ask me why I use English, but I can't answer the reason why certainly (by the way, I have never study abroad. I just learned English literature at a university, and never studied anymore). But once I heard that some people might be good at using English better than Japanese. Then, I might be one of that kind of people. Once I wrote my ideas onto a memo pad of Daiso, but it never went well. Just trying to write in English by my feeling fit my mind smoothly. At least, this is the fact from my point of view. Now, I never think about trying TOEIC, but just learning English like that.
Today was a day off. In the morning, I went to AEON and tried to read Manuel Castelle's "Communication Power" because I wanted to do a different things from my routine by my feeling. TBH this books is a paperback in English, and I heard that this is the book Audrey Tang, a Taiwanese politician's favorite book so I had bought it from curiosity. But it is tough to read because I am not used to read English. I have to accept the fact that it would work better for me to read more easier English books. I have to say I lost. In other words, I should wait for the time as pleasure when I can enjoy this book after I can improve my English. So I decided to read the English books as Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" and Paul Auster's "Moon Palace". There is no royal road to learn. Especially, on learning any languages we shouldn't be hurry to grow. Practicing every day will work as growing up. At least, I could have learned that from my experiences. I swear that I will learn English on Discord from today again.
Next Sunday I will be busy to go to vote, so today I did it. I read David J. Charmers's "Reality+". The topic has changed into about fake news, which lead me to think the possibility I have been cheated by any fake (in other word, the possibility I have been believing fake this moment). But the point is the fact that I might have the will "I want to believe sweet fact" or "I wanted to be cheated". Then, how can I find the true from the vast sea of fake? All I can do is just training my hunch every day to find any fishy things. When corona disease started, I almost believed the opinion that "Influenza is more dangerous from this corona". And about vaccination, I got confused deeply but decided to get. But even now I can't say that choice must be correct. The possibility of finding which is correct might be found after my death. It is not zero.
In the evening, I read Toshiya Ueno's "Reading autobiographies from philosophers". In this book, Toshiya Ueno talks about the danger of "finding myself". Not about having any interest in oneself, but facing other people's words which can give another point of view to "crash" oneself. This book recommends to read/encounter various autobiographies of philosophers as that activity. Me, when I learned I am autistic, I said a lot that "I am autistic" and tried to keep that fact as my identity firmly. But the fact says that I can be consisted by many identities. Sometimes opposite identity would tear me apart, and show any paradox or confused self. Then, I have to face that kind of paradox or confusion. Ignoring that diversity in myself would not be realistic. I learn English and enjoy several cultures from foreign countries, but also have a nationalistic essence that enables me to say I love sushi and miso soup. Then, it can just be OK.
