Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/07 English

BGM: Phil Collins "Another Day In Paradise"

I've read Yoshikichi Furui's "My Essay-ism". An essay in this book lets me think about the life I could live in. "Alternative life" or "Alternative myself"... If I didn't encounter "the ice age of job hunting", I might be able to get a job in Tokyo after graduating from a university. I might be able to work at mass media as any publishment. Yes, quite a waste of time to think about. But thinking about such an "alternative life" means learning the fact that I am a powerless, small person. Learning that I am just a small person won't be bad.

Just like a character in Hirokazu Koreeda's movies, I sometimes think like "where was the critical point I made a mistake to make this life wrong?". I couldn't imagine this life when I was a Waseda student. What job is happy for me? But how the job I have would be, I would spend my time or life reading or watching. So the shape of my happiness is very clear. I might not be able to be a pro but keep on thinking and writing. That is my nature and it might be OK.

How long have I spent my time reading Yoshikichi Furui? I lost my words with reading "My Essay-ism" and learning about German literature, Japanese literature, the theory of creativity, and daily life. They are quite profound writings. Diving in himself and putting the thought with making proper words to describe what it should be. That kind of quiet and crisp language's movement products these essays. Therefore I respect his strong will or power of thinking. Furui's works will be read by a few, great readers. Could I be the one?

I want to write a novel but still can't do so. I have various things to want to write about. The movie "American Utopia" which I recently watched. The book "My Essay-ism" which I already wrote about. I might have too many things so I can't... I have to think about what I will write again. Why do I think I want to write a novel itself (and it should be in English which isn't my mother tongue)? I want to think about it and write. One day is not enough time to be spent writing a masterpiece even if they were geniuses. I need toughness.