Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/08 English

BGM: Genesis "Abacab"

This morning, I wrote an essay to the project of an "Advent Calendar" which is going on a server on Discord. I wrote about SION, a Japanese singer-songwriter. This was the topic we talked about at an English conversation class we had yesterday. I like summer than winter. Also, I like the hot season than the cold season. But I like the Christmas season because I can have a religious mind and also have a chance to think about what is belief and sacrifice even if I live as an atheist. The essay seemed to be accepted with praises and pleasure so I felt happy.

In the morning I also went to the library. I want to go there even if I have such a bad mood. I noticed that Issyou Yamamoto's work "Hyakken hasn't died", a biography of Hyakken Uchida was available. One of the staff of my group home is a fan of Hyakken and she likes reading his work. I think I want to talk about this book with her. I remember that once I spend the year's end season with Hyakken's short novels. Hyakken's essays don't fill my taste unfortunately but I like his novels so used to enjoy reading them. I should read his novels again this season?

I want to keep on, not only doing the routine of going to the library, writing this diary preciously. Yes, I have to eat meals, washcloths, and taking the bath. Once when I had ultimately heavy depression, I couldn't take the bath. I also didn't eat meals and filled my empty stomach with a lot of alcohol. The afternoon I went to the temple and attended the meeting. At there, I talked about what is consciousness and also what is myself. It could be the chance that I could see my problem and thoughts from various points of view. At the night I went to the "stop-drinking-alcohol" meeting and talked about the problem I have out loud. Of course, I really thank them.

I thought like this at the meeting at the temple. If I go to the workplace, I become a "company person". But it doesn't mean that I "act like" so. At the workplace, my inner "company person" appears naturally. If I found trash, I pick it even if it was not the one I dropped. It's like so. Myself/personality is the one which appears from unconsciousness quietly. A member at the meeting said, "The true myself is the one which is trying to know me". Looking myself at the higher stage... that kind of perspective might be important. The members treated me tenderly. Of course, this also is very thankful for me.