BGM: Cream - White Room
I worked early today. This morning, during my work, I thought about when was the time I had started having my first portable phone (it was not any smartphone yet. It was just a cellphone.) I remember it was 2003, the year I had been diagnosed as an autistic person. Yes, it was not so early. At that year, I met a friend and she recommended me to have it so I decided so.
This story tells me about one important fact - it is this. Until that year, I had lived my life without any cellphone, and it describes how I had lived my terrible alcoholic days without belonging to any outside connections. In other words, I hadn't joined any social media or real friends' network. And I had believed that I must not need any outside network in my life because I must be hated by anyone because of this strange character, this weird personality.
I can remember this - when I was a kid at an elementary school, I got birthday message cards by my classmates, which had said to me that "you must not have any good point." Yes, my classmates had already hated me so they cruelly said to me so. As a kid, I had wondered how I should react to this hateful world. Should I change my personality? Maybe... but now, at the age 48, I can find that now there are many friends in my life. On the real life, on the dearest Discord, Facebook, MeWe - almost anywhere. WHY on earth? I have not tried to change my personality. I just have kept on reading.
After today's work, I went back to my group home. TBH, I was invited to an online meeting but (SO SORRY!) I had got a cold surely so I couldn't keep on awaking. I decided to stay still in my room, in the bed. I started reading Takashi Akutsu's journal (阿久津隆『読書の日記 本を出す 指を切る お葬式』,) and found that this kind of really, really "ordinary" journals which describes anyone's orthodox days extraordinarily surely have grabbed my interest. Maybe that is one of the reasons why I have actually been writing my journal (like this.)
