As the weather news said, it started snowing this evening. It got thicker step by step so I had to walk to return to my group home. Upon returning back, I went to the library and borrowed Hideo Kobayashi's book "The clue of thoughts". Arrived at the group home, I got tired and wanted to do nothing, so I read that Hideo Kobayashi's book loosely. Today is the day we have the first session of the English conversation class, but this snow stopped it so we will have the first one the next week. Luckily, tomorrow is a day off. I want to spend my free time with that Hideo Kobayashi's book or Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet" (although I have read this many times). Ah, I can remember that I used to drink a lot when I watched such heavy snow...
English has the words to describe the Japanese word "Kokoro". "Kokoro" means our mind and/or heart. Quoting from the book by Mark Petersen, "mind" is the "Kokoro" based on logical thinking, and "heart" is from emotion or feeling. TBH once I learned English literature at a university and have learned it for about 30 years, but still I can't distinct these "mind" and "heart". Today I thought about the "Sally–Anne test" and the words "you never understand another person's 'Kokoro'!", and faced this issue. "Another person's 'Kokoro'". Can we see that kind of thing? And I suddenly thought about how it could be in English.
I'm basically human so that kind of comment hurts my "Kokoro". "'My Kokoro' hurts"... I can see which word I should use in this case, because this says "my feeling hurts" so "heart" is the word. But then, I should use "heart" to describe another person's case because I can't read how that person feels in their feeling? Or I should use "mind" because I can't read their logical opinion? I wondered so much so asked my teacher in English conversation class. She said I can use "heart" in such a case, and it fits in my "Kokoro". But I still am wandering a little. Probably that is the evidence of being an autistic person I guess.
I don't know about the "Sally–Anne test" to explain to you well. Just I want to say that autistic people have a handicap for reading other people's thoughts so sometimes they do strange things. Indeed, I have often been blamed as "an idiot who can't understand other's 'Kokoro'". Me, I have thought about why their moods change so often. Ah, once I even wished I could be a machine instead of having this "Kokoro" (emotion and ration), and believed that it must be a strength. But now I never think so. If I threw my "Kokoro" away forever, I would lose something important. Like Tao Pai Pai from "Dragon Ball", who wished to be stronger and threw away the precious pride as a fighter (Sorry for this minor example!)
