BGM: Prefab Sprout "Carnival 2000"
Today I worked late. Now is the time I should remember how this year was. Although I might write this once before, this year was important for me because I could do a job as a volunteer translator. I have learned English for over 30 years. I even learned American literature at a university. I feel glad that the learning process led me to this achievement. Of course, as a result, I felt that I should work hard more. But I could enjoy that with my English. How the next year will be? I hope this kind of chance would come again, but I can't see how it will be.
This morning I read Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet". A really deep, profound book. The keyword this book has is the feeling of tiredness. Probably Pessoa is a "too smart" person. He must be very sensitive (HSP?), and very thoughtful. So he might grip his life conceptually, and feel that "life is boring". Of course, we shouldn't grip our lives in such a conceptual way. But there is the hardship too smart people might have. Can I read both Fernando Pessoa and Roland Barthes?
I change the music for reading. I enjoy Prefab Sprout. I am now into this kind of "mattari" music. "Mattari" is a Japanese word and it means "slowly and relaxed". Keep your pace, following the motto of Japanese writer Ken Kaikou "hurry up gently". I am not good at living vitally and proudly so I want to stay soft. Stay soft, stay calm... Once I thought that Prefab Sprout was just a sweet, mild, and harmless easy listening. But recently I feel that it has adult wisdom like Richard Curtis's movies.
Ah, 10 years ago... I was certainly at the bottom of life and lonely, so I just drank a lot. I couldn't predict how this life would be 10 years after. From that time, I could make friends on Discord, WhatsApp, and in real life. I also was getting to find meaning in my job. How this life will be ten years after? I can never see it completely. What I am doing now would make my future. I believe so. It wouldn't go worse...I believe. "Hurry up gently". And tomorrow comes, life goes on.
We ask for any wrong we've done
The years ahead forgive us
We ask for any good we've done
That all of it outlive us
（Prefab Sprout "Carnival 2000"）