BGM: The Monkees "Daydream Believer"
During today's lunch break, I wanted to listen to The Monkees' "Daydream Believer". I guess many people know this song because the Japanese group The Timers covered it in Japanese. I thought that "this song sounds about me". "Daydream" means unreal wishes, so "Daydream Believer" means "the person who escapes from the real" or "a dream chaser". And I have to admit that I am also that kind of "daydream believer" who imagined that I could show my true skill or talent, and also wanted to be someone bigger than now. I have lived by that basic wish.
How many people are there who gave up their dreams? I once thought that "I have no dreams" and "just live for today" and lived a barren life. This idea makes me think of my past days, my 30s. I seriously thought that I had to do terrible work which never suit me even after 5 or 10 years, and people would laugh at me and I had to live a bad life. I just had to drink a lot of alcohol as only one recreation... I thought so, and I drank a lot of pills with huge depression... and at 40 I had a fatal meeting and stopped alcohol. I started a new life now and it still goes on. Ah, Prefab Sprout was right. "Life is a miracle". Life itself is a result of this real world as a miracle.
I notice that there are some people who are even over 60 but still have great dreams. They certainly look at their future and live positive lives. I just have "soft" dreams. I want this diary to get more readers (but I have never done any effort to realize that dream). I also want to improve my English and use this skill more, etc. But having a dream means dedicating my life to that dream. In other words, it means giving my life to realize that dream. I might not be able to live such serious life. I just can live my life waiting for getting some bonus luckily... for example, I do my work, write this diary, and read books. With doing these activities, I wait for another fatal encounter. That might not be an ambitious life, but my life.
This evening I was going to attend a meeting, but after dinner, I lied in my bed and then slept. So I couldn't attend that... and I just do nothing until the time I have to sleep. Ah, "the day goes ahead, I couldn't make my day". I could read nothing. I remember that I had thought and written that "our government should give us money" on Twitter. What a silly life. Indeed, our government might have to give us money, but before it, I should think about what I can do seriously. I just live my life dutifully. So I am trying to reflect on myself and live my life again with the music by The Monkees.