2022/11/19 English

We Japanese have a word "kowamote", which means "tough looking". Once I tried to become that "kowamote" person. The person who other people respect, or don't look down on... probably that was because I had been bullied and looked down on. I might be able to say that as "the person who wears aura". I couldn't understand that I just should stay myself and that's enough at that time. How about me now? I know that my base in myself must be wishy-washy so I don't want to act proudly.

As I wrote about Tony Scott yesterday, I had wanted to watch the movie "Top Gun" but I got tired after today's work so I slept soon. I want to watch "La La Land" again if I get time. I watched "La La Land" once and thought that "this is crap", but I might be able to find something new because I have got knowledge about movies a little. I want to watch movies and read books. Now my curiosity still works so I guess it's alright.

I understand that the theme of "La La Land" is to find our dreams and chase them. The decision for being someone I want to become... Maybe I gave up my dreams therefore I couldn't understand the message from "La La Land". It means I'm cynical and just poor. Once my dream was to be a writer, but I noticed that it wouldn't come true even if I lived 200 years. Therefore I tried to be cool and become an adult. "Let's be adults"... Adults are the person who gave up their dreams, or threw them away and tried to forget?

I sometimes think about how dangerous having dreams is. Haunted by enormous dreams, and living real life with inertia. Yes, once I was certainly that kind of a dream chaser. I don't want to praise chasing dreams and forgetting the real as "serious". I believe that we can live our lives steadily and also chase dreams. At first, I should treat the person in front of me as precious, and do the task I am doing steadily. Then, I have to draw my dream on the road to reality. That must be a secret of keeping my life's quality I believe.