BGM: Seiji Toda "Slow Ballad"
I've read Yoshio Kataoka's "How to live by the Japanese language". Kataoka's explanation goes exactly steadily as his "Outside of Japanese". Or if I explained negatively, his style could be very slow and not easy to understand. Of course, it is because he hates 'nonverbal' understanding and always tries to tell his opinions to others who might have another one. I have been impressed by his honesty. He says that the Japanese language goes with the speakers' subjective, and I thought that in a way his narrative is very 'English'. Absolutely he tries to tell himself rationally and clearly and waits for critical opinions. Very awesome.
I use English on Discord, WhatsApp, and LINE. And also I write articles like this in Japanese and English for a long time. Now I find no strangeness in speaking English and can feel that English comes from me naturally. Once I had been haunted by 'internationalism' and 'globalization', and also felt a certain pressure of being good at using English (such as other skills). Now I don't feel that inferior complex. Of course, it does not come from the reason why I can speak English well (I guess those true internationalists must be able to speak three languages), but that I can accept 'this myself' naturally.
'This myself'. That means that I accept the person who couldn't become Haruki Murakami or J. K. Rowling even if I adored them and tried to become the writer. And it also means that I have lived and become 'this myself' by passing through the way of my one life. I can feel that I have lived my life by this body... then I can think that this life has its great taste. This might sound rude, but Haruki and Rowling couldn't live their life without any alcohol for seven years (of course, this way of thinking becomes a game of superiority easily).
Nobody is perfect or smart. Human beings can make mistakes. How to make the opinions or thoughts by that absolute fact. It is the idea of conservatism (at least, I understand so). I am a person who has many mistakes or paradoxes (in public I try to be honest, but in private I feel into some lewd desires). Therefore I am learning the way of thinking of 'liberal conservatism' as Takeshi Nakajima says. I always try to doubt myself because I can make mistakes. Making mistakes is not shameful, but not learning from those mistakes should be shameful. I have learned that toughness and sensitivity by learning English, even if that is still difficult to learn for me.