Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/02/17 English

The morning I've read Shunsuke Tsurumi's "Memory Bag". It's compact and written in plain words but I can't read this easily. I was surprised that Tsurumi remembers various memories of his childhood well. Once he was a bad kid and went to study at Harvard University, tried to learn English with a great effort, and was brought to jail. About pragmatism which he had learned and the people who he had met. These memories became the base of his profound thoughts directly. Was it possible because he had an awesome, crisp brain? How am I? Can I force my childhood with such a tough gut?

Today was a day off and it started snowing. After returning to my group home, I read Fuutaro Yamada's journal "A bug journal in the war". Once I had read his journal "Nonfighting journal in the war", which was a vivid document of losing the pacific war. I had been moved by it deeply. But "A bug journal in the war" was a difficult book to read on. The author had been trying to read books seriously even if the situation was very hard because of wartime and also writing his daily life clearly. His thought reaches at the destiny of Japan and the love he had experienced. The inner struggle of him comes directly to the readers like me so I can't read it speedily. But, in other words, I have to endure that kind of abstract thinking of him on and on.

If I got tired of reading Yamada's journal, I try to read "The biography of Shunsuke Tsurumi". This book also delivers Tsurumi's hot footsteps. He had been brought to a good environment but kept on doing shoplifting because of the struggle with his mother. Yes, he was once quite an outsider... and his strength was shown as this act of 'vomiting' his evilness and weakness. Reflecting on himself and starting from that point of his weakness. He keeps on thinking... For me, I was also a child who was said as being full of dirty desire and egoism by other children. Therefore I had to live with giving up any desires. Once I had told this to a person who was a classmate. He said, "everyone has something not to want to look back"...

I had a glitch on using clubhouse but now can use it because I updated the app, so today I used it going to a room and talking about myself in English. It has passed half a year since I had started this app. I met Judith and also have got a certain improving my skill of English. Tsurumi also improved his skill of thinking and using English with a certain discipline of learning in his childhood, and I can get improved using English more even if I had already been a mid-age person. TBH, I have lived without any effort. I never want to do any effort in learning English. All I do is just accept myself who can't use English well and enjoy using it every day. Then, that kind of enjoyment becomes a certain effort by someone else. This might sound strange but is a fact.