Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/02/15 English

I've got a habit of writing my journals every day without any notice. But basically, I should ask why I write. The life which the person does express or leave nothing. In other words, the life the person doesn't try to build themselves on using any social media. Yes, it can also be impressive. But I do keep on writing my journals on my blog. Why? It might be the same question as "why do I live?". It looks like a primary, but a nonsense question. For me, writing something is just the thing I do without any intention, or thinking of any meaning or purpose. By it, I get some comfort or achievement. So I write. That might be enough.

Having lunch at the cafeteria of my company, I remembered this. My classmates once said as "Don't stand so close to me, you must have a virus!" and separate themselves from me. Yes, a memory of 'pretty' school bullying. Everybody might have this kind of memory. But this experience made me strong because they told me that I must be a stranger although how hard I try to harmonize with them. All I could (or 'can') do must be to live with having such an 'outsider's' pride. But this is strange to say that the more I live with such an 'alien's' pride, the more people want me to get closer to enjoy me.

Reading Shunsuke Tsurumi's books, I can feel that he shows his unique and great way of living as an 'outsider' in various places people get together (in other difficult words, in 'communities'). Maybe he is a kind of an 'evil guy' or a 'raccoon' as he says, and I can have sympathy with him by that aspect. Tsurumi was once an 'outsider' in a school and used to do shoplifting. He was quite a 'dumb' student... I was not 'dumb' but I couldn't get myself into the orders the teachers had taught, and I used to battle against my classmates. Yes, I was one alien. That tells me why I can 'synchronize' myself with Tsurumi's opinions.

I heard that this year is the 100th year since Tsurumi had been born (also the 100th one from Futaro Yamada and Shigeru Mizuki's birth). In that year I started Tsurumi's books. It must be a strange coincidence. Oh my gosh! I read very minor books... that is because I read books to save my soul personally, not bringing myself into others' fashionable talking. I listen to Blur and Oasis, not doing to Billie Irish with concern about the mode itself. That kind of personal activity makes me 'sublime' to everybody. Yes, this is also a strange fact.