Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/10 English

BGM: Kenji Ozawa "Lovely"

This morning I felt sick seriously. Living itself was sick enough... But I wrote my journal, as usual. And I washed my clothes, took a bath, and had breakfast. I went to AEON, had lunch, and wrote what I thought on my memo pad. In short, I did what I usually do today. Then I found calmness. I thought about the power of doing the routine as usual. Even if I had no power, no motivation, I should do my routine. By the guide of my body... then my mind follows my body's movement.

I'm thinking about the novel I want to write. As writing it, I want to write my Waseda days. I had never thought I wanted to go to Waseda. My brother recommended me to go so I went there and took an exam as a kind of sightseeing (I wanted to see what the big capital Tokyo was). Then, I passed the exam so I became a student of Waseda. So I have no special memory about Waseda but it must be a rare memory. Not funny memory... but I want to remember what I thought at that time and write about that. I don't have to hurry. I just write that.

At least, I can say that it was an unhappy, miserable period when I was a Waseda student. I even tried to find a part-time job but I could find nothing because I was an autistic person and therefore I couldn't manage any meetings. Finally, I lived these days with my parents' money. I could find no jobs when I graduated from Waseda... I could find no friends so I just read a lot of books. I had experienced being bullied until I was a high school student, so I thought/believed all of my classmates were my enemy. I was quite an idiot. I want to write that.

I think about my friends. Now, I have many friends on Facebook, MeWe, and Discord. I also have real friends. For them, I want to write that novel. It must not get popular. That's OK. I need no material success (of course, getting buzzed is pleasant). If my friends get pleased, that's enough. But today I have no time so tomorrow I will start writing step by step. The title is "To Marco Stanley Fogg".