Back To Life

Back To Reality

Both Sides, Now 2

Kurt Cobain passed away when I was 19 years old.

When Nirvana had got extreme popularity, I didn't have an interest in them. I don't know why. Their name might be too big for me. I had not listened to their songs a lot, but I thought that they were a kind of "commercial" group. In Japanese, we say this stance as "stay distant with respect". So I had started listening to Nirvana in 1994, the year their career had ended.

Since that time, I sometimes listen to Nirvana's songs. Some of their songs are "evergreen". At least I believe so. They were not hype or a lucky strike. Their songs have a certain impact and sound pop. In other words, they have both sweetness and poison. Yes, this is like the Beatles, Queen, and Oasis.

I had listened to their songs, again and again, sometimes thinking about the reason why I shouldn't commit suicide. Yes, just now, I can throw this question away easily. Why suicide is bad? This question might attract naive people. Or I should say that the answer is inside the act of living this life itself. Live your life preciously with tasting good meals, reading good books, walking outside on sunny days... Then these acts tell us the answer.

Starting the life... living and enjoying every event. These tell us the secret of life. But when I had listened to Nirvana, I had not started my life, and therefore I had tried to understand my life or this world by my head itself only. Yes, I tried to "know" the world, not "enjoy" the world. I listen to Nirvana's songs but notice that they don't sing any material successes. They even don't try to sing about simple love. All they try to tell us is just sadness and confusion. In other words, their songs don't tell me physical pleasure.