BGM: Johnny Cash - Hurt
Today I worked early. I'm worrying that my friends said they were sick on the LINE group I belong to. TBH I am also feeling sick. Probably it's because of the spring season. As you know, spring season sometimes let you down. Today, during the work, I couldn't concentrate to do that. But I have to do what the office gave me to do. I just move my body, not caring if my mind said something wrong. I thought about Nirvana. They sing "All in all is all we are". This phrase embraced me. As you know, Nirvana sings a lot of chaos and corruption (almost all of their songs are miserable). But they certainly make me embrace. At lunchtime, I listened to their "Unplugged". Their playing eased me. I even say that they exactly "save" my life.
How long I should live this life? I have struggled with poverty from the time I started working. Even now, if I go to buy a bottle of coffee at a convenience store, and if I buy a lunchbox at lunchtime, I can spend for nothing anymore. The facility manager says "how about saving money for not buying other things if you can't stop buying as your lunch?". Indeed, I also think about that. But I can't stop buying coffee at the morning time. I can't save my money by myself, or I have to say that all of the ideas I can think off are already done by myself. Of course, I can eat some instant meals as "cup ramens". But if I do so, I can't endure during the work because it sometimes ends by 10 pm. Oh my... especially, the price of things is getting high and I have to pay the payment of group home more. I can't find any money in my wallet. And I can't earn by another business. That's just a dream tale.
But I am always saying to me one thing. That is that I shouldn't go mad even if the situation is terrible. Indeed, I am just a human being so I almost go mad if the situation is irrational. But, once I even went mad to the other people, but the situation went wrong and I gained nothing by that. Probably, I am really poor at getting angry. Just I spend my energy in vain. Since I noticed this fact, I have been trying to keep calm and do what I can do at any situations. Ah, I once was involved by various troubles on the internet, and I even lost myself many times. Yes, I am easily moved by those things, so I say to myself just to stay calm more. Borrowing other people's wisdom, I want to find the best way I can do.
This evening, I attended an online meeting with my friends on ZOOM. Today I did a presentation about "Aphorism". Talking that, I got worried that "is it too abstract?". But, the more I talked about that theme, the more other members showed their interests so it went as a successful one. I don't want to do too serious "lecture", so I introduced various funny aphorism as Egashira 2:50's "I choose making a legend, not doing one cool regular" and Sanma Akashiya's "Being alive is just gaining" (both people are Japanese famous comedians). That seemed to work well at last. Of course, I was supported by their "enjoy the meeting" attitude, so I felt thankful for that. And I can see that the LINE group we made by the English conversation class is getting crowded, so I exactly am getting more friends. I am never alone.
