I worked late today. This morning, I went to AEON. I tried to finish writing my homework for tomorrow's English conversation class. However, although the reason was completely enigmatic, I couldn't concentrate on that task. In my inner territory, there were plenty of fragmental ideas and therefore literally my mind had been messed up. For example, in that homework freewriting, I tried writing about various net memes such as "Brazilian Sadako" or "Zoom Fatigue (this means how the Zoom meetings we enjoy can cause various stresses in our life)".
As you can already see, this messed state has been caused by my autistic character, therefore always I need to start to calm my mind down. With various pieces of music, I tried to write my ideas on the memo pad I always had in my pocket. It seemed that within my brain (yes, a very strange one!) it seemed that there must be an "unbalanced", even "old-fashioned" database, which had plenty of memories (or maybe traumas) stocked in the unconsciousness or a subliminal depth. And, recently I started loving such an unbalanced library of mine.
Finally, I chose the topic for my homework (about various evergreen Blues music I like to enjoy). TBH, when I was a college student who respected Damon Albarn and Michael Stipe, I could never understand why traditional Blues music had been loved by many people. Even though there were elder students who had soaked themselves in various Blues songs, for me they had sounded ALMOST the same songs which had the same structure. Now, I can enjoy/taste them as very "yummy" ones.
After starting my work, I took a break for a while. With Lightning Hopkins's songs, I took a deep breath and started thinking whether I was happy or not. Once, I had strictly believed that this life must have been a waste of time, and also the connection/friendship among us seemed like a total illusion/fiction (in a way, it could be very doubtful/suspicious). Now, I have another/alternative idea in me, which says that even though we can tell lies to each other (and sometimes I can feel that I should trust no one anymore), I still tend to try to trust someone with my beliefs. I can't tell the certain reason why.
