As you may already know, I have only been writing these journals from my viewpoint. In other words, I have to admit that I can't show you any evidence of my traumatic memories such as being bullied at these schools, and also various power harassment events in my company. Therefore, you must read what I have written carefully (indeed, I want you to believe so straightly without any doubt what I have written though. However, there was no data about these traumatic ones).
TBH, I still feel dizziness slightly. Probably that has been causing this, today I spilled out a sort of rant to a friend of mine on the app LINE personally. However, she accepted that rant with her warm heart so tenderly... And she said to me I was Okay and should think about how I could be myself naturally in the company, and also in my daily life as a happy guy. As I have mentioned, I usually don't use the function of recording my smartphone to get my bosses' rants in there, so all I could do was just to wish her to believe "my truth" (even though they could never be based on clear facts).
Writing about these things... I remember now that once I tried to confess my troubles at my workplace to someone else, but no one answered me with any effective advice. All I got was "quit that job anymore" or "change the environment". So, finally, I committed to... the final solution I could have thought of at that period. After that, I had to stay at a hospital for about a week. At that period, I strongly believed that my workplace would be able to kill me (and wouldn't care about me). Of course, NOW I can see it can have come from my stubborn bias. At least, my company has allowed me to use the job coach. This is a clear fact... So, I want to "warn" you about not believing my truth so straightly (it sounds like Woody Allen's quote!).
This evening, I attended a Zoom meeting with my friends. There, a friend did an interesting presentation about his experiences/memories of climbing mountains. Although I live in the region surrounded by some mountains, I rarely enjoy climbing them... So, his sharing many pictures with us has given me the motivation to visit one of those mountains to enjoy the greenery scene to refresh my mind.
