I was born in 1975, and started learning English at junior high school at 13. Since then, my life has been connected with learning English as a student, or a citizen. For example, I once studied American literature at a university in Tokyo (at that period, I even wished I could become a great translator/presenter who could introduce various masterpieces like Haruki Murakami has done). And since 40, after quitting alcohol, I decided to learn English in my private life diligently again.
You would hear this story I've written above as a suspicious/doubtful one, because
in this isle country, even though Japanese people have to learn English for a long time, they (including me) tend to use Japanese mainly in daily communication. In other words, if you can speak Japanese fluently, you don't need to learn English so seriously. At least, from my viewpoint, in my daily life, I RARELY use English. Then, what makes me learn English so hard as this (as if a sort of obsession)?
Some friends even praise me as a very diligent learner, and of course, I accept their comments as very precious, heartful ones. But, this passion can come from my traumatic memories such as having to "survive" through school days with an isolated mind. At that period, I had felt very "thirsty" for any friendships, or even any opportunities to communicate with others, even in my mother tongue Japanese. Those "thirsty" feelings/memories might remain anywhere in my mind yet.
As I have written in these journals, my ideas have been influenced by various (possibly autistic) artists such as Haruki Murakami and Wittgenstein, who have kept on asking/questioning our possibility to communicate with others. Of course, I am not as clever as they are. But as a tiny autistic pupil, I want to believe that the opportunities for communication we have must have almost "infinite" power/possibilities. When I was a teenager, I even tried to give up any effort to understand anyone (this means I even tried to give up loving anyone, and also being loved by anyone)... Then, as for me, learning English means the precious trial to love this world, even though our communication must be incomplete basically?
