I had a day off today. As a morning activity, at AEON I read Levy Hideo's "A Room Where the Star-Spangled Banner Cannot Be Heard [リービ英雄『星条旗の聞こえない部屋』]", which was so impressive and also "provoking". In this collection of three stories, the main character Ben declares he is a Jewish American in Japan, therefore a sort of outsider as the Japanese call "gaijin". Even though Ben tries to speak Japanese to get closer to the Japanese communities, the Japanese people won't allow him to be a member of any group. Yes, exclusive, but a REAL scene of Japan.
After enjoying this novel, I started thinking about this. Once, I had this idea. The more I try to learn English harder to become more fluent, the more I can get closer to being a sort of cosmopolitan/internationalist who can stand above/beyond this narrow society. That effort will make me a super person among us... Of course, it must be a banal, silly bias, therefore now I am trying to get rid of this stupid misunderstanding from my mind. Ben must face and have gotten irritated with the person like I used to be.
I can sympathize with Ben, who shows that irritation and anger within his mind certainly enough. Probably this way of reading means I am too selfish/childish, but I confess that when I was young (before being diagnosed as autistic) I also had to struggle with others seriously to survive the youthful period. Even though I try to make the effort to be a member of any group, they deny me to be their mate (and even "discriminate" as an alien). Why should I endure this cruel discrimination of being treated as an outsider? Why can't I be accepted/allowed as a mate? Oh...
BTW this evening, on Discord I called a person to enjoy chatting for about an hour. We talked about autism mainly, and I shared some issues about it with the other. When I was young (as I have written above), I couldn't tell what autism could be even though it must have been MY case, MY issue (of course, I could have been so ignorant. However, in this rural town no one must have heard the name of "Asperger Syndrome"). But now, within the internet and this real society we can exchange various valuable, precious pieces of information with each other interactively. Even though I shouldn't become too optimistic, I want to follow this drastic change in the world.
