I had a day off today. This morning I felt strange, even though I couldn't find what that feeling could be - Depressed as usual? Or bored in this monotonal life completely? I went to a library to borrow a book to change my mood, but that trial didn't work well. So I went to a used bookstore despite having little money and found V. S. Ramachandran's "The Tell-Tale Brain". So, I bought that.
But why? Why should I get bored in this life? Actually, even though I am never a rich man, I can have a firm job and also have a good place to sleep (my great group home!). And in my free time, I can enjoy English conversation class. Then, why? This life seems to be a kind of a prisoner's life, therefore I want a completely extraordinary event to blow my mind? If I couldn't have such extraordinary events such as festivals or other activities, then my mind would go mad? I remember the movie "The Shawshank Redemption".
Maybe that strange feeling (that even brought me a certain "flashback" of traumatic events such as an ex-boss scolding me in my workplace etc.) came from this hot weather. It was a hot sunny day so I changed my clothes into a half-sleeve shirt. After having lunch, I took a nap and went outside again to have my hair cut, but the barber had been closed. Therefore, I went back to my room even though it was still 3:30 pm.
Then my smartphone noticed that a person had opened her room on the app Clubhouse, so I joined in there. In that room, the members used English to enjoy talking to her as a host. When my turn came, I talked about my issue with the English conversation class. I often make pauses when I start speaking English with some members. In other words, my speaking is never as fluent as native speakers...
That host person said to me that it could be natural, and I could have a good listening ability enough to enjoy her fluent English. I just should try to achieve one little success like starting talking to someone about that emotion would bring other successes little by little. That intimate comment embraced me a lot. After that, I had a dinner. After that, I read the rest of Atsushi Sasaki's "A Man Called As A Professor [佐々木敦『「教授」と呼ばれた男』".
