From today, April starts. This morning, I started reading Scott Hershovitz's "Nasty, Brutish and Short" again. At the beginning part of this great work, Scott tries to add a precious, interesting meaning to the word "revenge". Indeed, any kind of "revenge" must be sad (and basically prohibited,) but it can have its important function, which is to show the victim's true emotion of anger. That is a great opinion for me.
When I had been soaked in the sea of beer in my 20s and 30s, I could even have dreamed of avenging my classmates. TBH, even somewhere in my consciousness, that idea of revenge remains (like a cluster of moss). I can't say when this truly "childish" obsession will fade away. Maybe it will last in me forever...
In other words, I had been in an invisible, tragic jail which had been locked by myself. An obsessive mind obviously haunted me firmly - and it even caused me to do an act of revenge. About this, I don't want to write any white lie - any "hopeful", "beautiful" and "positive" story - because as you have already learned from my writings, I have never been any kind of "talented", "gifted" guy (a say again - I won't make any lie about this!) I am just an ordinary, ultimately lucky Japanese autistic guy who enjoys The Stone Roses' music even in this 21st century.
Yes, I must have been a lucky guy. An encounter happened in my life at 40, and I have made some great friendships/connections. At that age, I met my current job coach and my current friends who have been with a group of autism. That encounter hadn't been the one I could cause. Yes, everything was just a miracle for me - So I can't tell you any catchy lesson/lifehack, but I want you to tell this - This is possible.
I remember - at that period I had been haunted by revenging completely to become a social winner, make a revolution... But I couldn't look at how I must have been powerless, been immature directly. Oh, what a shame! Now, I might be able to "throw away" any revolutionary dreams/ambitions. As my interest whispers, I keep on learning English, and also reading books (sometimes I read this kind of philosophical one.)
