It was a day off. I shared a Sakura pic with a Chinese friend, and she asked me this - Why do you love Sakura? Yes, it is an interesting question. Why? For me, Sakura seems a passionate essence in this world - or a symbol of passion itself. For example, youth itself or a kind of glory (in Japan, there must be a certain "all things must pass" culture.) Therefore, the Sakura season tells me how our life itself can be. It can "go" or "vanish" so easily, therefore precious. That's my answer.
Once, I had been a terrible heavy drinker (as I have mentioned in this journal almost every day.) I seriously got depressed/disappointed with this life - At that period, Sakura blossoms were so "distant" from me. Therefore, I couldn't get moved by them. In a way, those flowers must have been, in a way, "strange" and "far away" from my life. Although I had never read that, I already got into the world like Albert Camus' masterpieces had described.
Once, I had been a kind of a visitor, an alien - one who watches this world a little bit differently. At 33, I had a diagnosis that said I could be autistic - in a way, the world was correct (indeed, I must have been a stranger.) That concept explained why I had been attracted by strange, so maniac novels and music from others. And - I had to struggle with various (so lonely!) battles until 40.
A visitor - although you have already noticed, in this small island country some "clever" people say that to become/stay a stranger must be important (this reminds me of that beautiful motto - "THINK DIFFERENT".) Once, I had to try to live everyday life in a too selfish, proud way - I even denied the concept of having a "home" (even though I had lived with my parents actually!) But now, after 40 (and also after various trials with my friends as cooking rice or doing many presentations) I naturally got an intimate feeling with my hometown.
OH MY GOODNESS! Why did I start this kind of difficult story? Although I had wanted to talk about Haruki's novel "A Wild Sheep Chase", there is no space to tell...
