BGM: Hiroshi Fujiwara - Natural Born Dub
I worked late today. TBH, this morning I felt a certain depressive mood within myself. Although there is no clear reason why I should feel so, I couldn't throw that mood away - so I needed to treat that mood so carefully. It seemed nothing troublesome has been happening in my life - of course, for me, money management has been a certain bothersome issue. And also, I have other personal issues (but I might not have to write about them.) But, I have a will to solve them. Then - why do I have to feel such an annoying depression?
About this topic, I remember a book. A popular book in Japan, Koichiro Kokubun's one (國分功一郎『暇と退屈の倫理学』.) According to that book, Heidegger taught us that there is this kind of form of boredom - it is "simply bored." In other words, we can get bored even though there is no specific reason why. Just as being in this world is already boring - I have accepted Kokubun and Heidegger's discussion as this.
Then, I might be able to say this. For me, being in this world means already boring and tiring - if this is true, then how can I treat this emotion as a natural born pessimist? I remember this - once, an ex-friend had taught me that there must be the reasons why I should feel a certain boredom or any other difficulties to live. But, at least from my viewpoint I have to say that I tend to feel a troublesome anxiety with no clear reason.
As a readymade/instant conclusion, I can see that I can't stop this trial - thinking various pieces of ideas deeply as I can, and writing them on the memo pad as this. This morning, though I had tried to read the rest of Heidegger's "Nietzsche", I couldn't. So, as I had written above, I had thought about my life. A really philosophical activity...
Once, I had hated this kind of philosophical taste in my thinking when I was young, because it is really uncool (in Japanese, we say "陰キャ" which means "too introvert.") But now, I can be proud of this "uncool" attitude - because that's me, and it actually/certainly has built this self.