BGM: P-MODEL - 美術館で会った人だろ
It was a day off today, and I went to a library to borrow some Susan Sontag's books. After that, I went to AEON and started reading R. D. Laing's "Do You Love Me?" at there. It certainly gave me some great, wonderful ideas. Mainly, I thought of the possibility/enigma of our communication. I wrote the idea about this book as a book review onto Facebook and Discord.
What can be the main purpose of our languages? I would answer this question as "it's to deliver our wills as properly as possible" (this idea reminds me of the early Haruki Murakami's novel). Yes, it could be. But, as an autistic person, I often have to face that MY words are basically powerless/useless because I feel my thoughts can be often distorted by other people's minds. And that's not abnormal because that's the true figure of communication. But in the "Do You Love Me?", you find that various communications we have done can often end as certain "barren", "nonsense" results.
Then, how should we accept this "nonsense" results? Our communications are basically meaningless - is this the truth we should accept? I wish if I could accept this smoothly. But, as you could feel, I still wish I could deliver my will fully to you, and also I wish I could connect this self to you and become as one. This is a paradox we have to keep in our minds. Therefore, R. D. Laing's this book seems for me to give the clue itself about this profound dilemma. With the clue, we should find each other's own answer to survive our hard lives.
In Japanese, we have an useful word "Nedame" which could be translated into English as "having a stock of sleeping". This afternoon, after having lunch I had a nap (about two hours). I started reading Masahiko Kishi's journal "Bitter Bitter Diaries" (岸政彦『にがにが日記』), and found that he had written as his life must be not so long. He could be in his 50s - and I have been faced the fact that I also am not so young.
How? How should I live the "rest" of my life as an enough aged one? But anyway, as Frank Sinatra sings, "That's Life"!
