BGM: SAKEROCK - スーダラ節
I couldn't write this in yesterday's journal - Yesterday I read another Nayuta Miki's book. It certainly gave me various great, interesting pieces of idea. When I say something to the other person, it delivers how/what I am thinking in this mind. That's the communication. And it also lets the other person think how I could have in this closed mind (for them, my mind is basically in a closed, secret territory therefore can't be seen). Exchanging words will move us to the unexpected state along with the communication. Therefore this world can be chaotic and wonderful - I accept Miki's books/works as this, therefore it must be really actual/real for me.
Indeed, trying to exchange our wills can be difficult/hard for us to keep on doing so. I am already 48 years old, but have to say that I still face various annoying struggles every day, every time (I almost say "every moment"). Our communication won't proceed as we have planned in our minds. It's like our lives can't go on as we have imagined to draw any beautiful future visions.
Today, at the workplace I almost got mad because I found some irrational events in there. Although I tried to work as diligent as I could do, some co-workers said to me that I should work harder, and they actually stopped their work to enjoy their small talking - This kind of events happen often, and I always feel like I should "kill" my free will or pure mind to become like a robot.
I said this annoying event to my job coach as LINE messages. It could contain some rants (violent words as "this workplace is full of f--king idiots"). She answered me honestly, and taught me that she has been working as hard as she can. As a job coach, she wants to help me. I can feel her kindness, and think this. If we hadn't met, then this kind of job coach's supporting couldn't be realized. It means I could have felt a strong loneliness in there.
How would it be if we hadn't met? I tried to imagine this, even now.