BGM: Boogie Down Production - My Philosophy
Today I worked late. Every morning I attend the ZOOM meeting via Facebook to learn English, and go to my workplace to start the day. Today I found my mood had been really confused, and therefore I couldn't get into anything. Probably I should build my new daily habit bit by bit because I tend to feel a certain comfort by building the habit (because of autism?).
We talked about the loneliness we ought to feel. Now the internet has been connecting a lot of people actually each other, but we still have to face this kind of hurtful, harmful loneliness. That's interesting for me. The social media always has brought us "instant" relationships which can be formed on the surface, and that could cause us to have the desire for the "true", "pure" connection.
About loneliness, I sometimes (often?) feel that in my daily life. I tend to find that this life must have the loneliness in its core. I must live this life lonelily, even if I already have a lot of friends - That kind of paradoxical states of mind is the core I've been keeping in my mind. Oh my goodness. Therefore, I once had tried to live in a sublime state of life and drink a lot (I literally had driven myself into death). And now, I have quit the alcohol habit for 8 years.
This afternoon, I told my LINE friends about my addictive mind once again. Yes, I have been into drinking alcohol, shopping, and internet [censored]. Some of them praised my confession as courageous. I can't see if I am courageous, but I believe that all I can do is just to open my mind honestly to them. A friend of mine described this action of opening mind as "taking inventory of our minds".
I remember - another friend of mine once had introduced us (the autistic friends and me) the habit of "morning note". She had taught us that to confess all of the things we have in our minds was important. Then, this journal (based on my English memo) might work as a kind of that "morning note".