2022/10/03 English

Today I worked late. This morning I watched the drama "Extraordinary Attorney Woo". After that, I went to Aeon and started reading Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" there. I can remember that I met this novel in my high school days, and have read it many times since then. So this book reminds me of my teenage days mind I've forgotten. By the way, why do we feel that our teenage days as nostalgic ones? Why do we look back on these kinds of memories sentimentally? I have a lot of craps in my teenage days, so once I tried to forget all of them...

"Norwegian Wood" has the style of venting/confessing the main character's private memories. Japanese have that kind of 'confessing novels'. We call it 'shi-shousetsu'. Very delicate and touchy ones. Like opening seashells delicately, Haruki tries to tell his negative and introspective memories with his decent style. I was attracted by that touch, and read this novel a lot in my high school days. I guess that there were a lot of 'cheerful' novels fit for the youth. So maybe I already had been depressed or disappointed in my life.

Accidentally, when I read this "Norwegian Wood" today, I found that a few high school girls were at our food court. They seemed to be proud, and that reminded me of my teenage days. I had been bullied and fell into the sea of doubt in any human relationships, and just strictly believed that I could only trust books and music... In "Norwegian Wood", characters had their unique ways of speaking, and they had to see that uniqueness and difference from others. I was also a very strange person, and I had to understand I couldn't be normal anymore. Yes, I had such stressful days.

Today, I had a meeting with the support of the job coach at my company. I told her what I had as troubles and worries honestly. During resting time, I might use my brain too much so couldn't read the rest of "Norwegian Wood", and just stayed quiet. Ah, when I met at the beginning of the meeting about autism, and have been with them for about six years. Those six years are, for me, the process of accepting that autism in me, and have grown up with it together. Yes, grateful days for me. But the true grateful days will come from now. The situation around me has been changing now certainly...