2022/09/24 English

When I was a high school student, I accidentally read the book which my classmate was reading. It was Haruki Murakami's "Pinball, 1973" and the first contact. Then, I have read Haruki's books until now (even if I can't say "I always read them"). Indeed, there must be many writers which are better than Haruki. But he is even a unique writer for me. I will probably buy his next book and I guess I can't taste as deep reading as his "Norwegian Wood". It is happy that I am living in the age he lives, and also I can read his works in real-time. I still think so.

Tomorrow, the 25th of September is the anniversary of starting my job. On that day 24 years ago, I had spent half a year as a 'neet', and after that, I began my work relying on the doctor' "you'd better start working for returning to society". Since that, I have worked until now because I have a negative reason as "I have nothing else to do" and also "I want to show the fact that I am not a loser, so I have to stay". Finally, I spent the time without any chance to step up, but now I'm trying to realize the project of my job coach. Ah, unbelievable.

Ah, once I thought I wanted to change my job, but a friend asked me "Can you work using a foreign language?". "Companies want a person who can translate Japanese into English", she said so. and I gave up saying "Why can I? I have never studied abroad"... now reflecting back on the time, I think it is also unbelievable. Now I use English and express myself on Discord etc. Not watching at the negative reasons which let me think impossible, but betting on the possibilities and doing it anyway. I might need such a spirit. I can be such an overrated person... how do you think?

Now I am 47 years old. What do ordinary 47 people in this world think in their daily life? Do they imagine their end of life? Thinking about improving their career and doing service to their family... I gave up having any career and family and just lived without any plans in my life. Although I feel that I'm exactly getting older because of a lack of energy (today I was thinking about watching Yasujiro Ozu's movie but slept soon). But in my mind, I am still young or just childish. I am just thinking that I want to enjoy my life without any reflection on my age. It is difficult to get ages to step by step.