2022/07/11 English

I started Takashi Akutsu's "The Journal of Reading" again. This is the third time I read this. This reading provides what? Or I should ask why I read this book... I almost forget the content soon even if I read it carefully... My reading might not be any 'creative' actions such as studying or building knowledge. I just want to enjoy the pleasant moment and that's all, therefore I read books. Really an instant pleasure. But so what? I can't read any books for studying. Just I want to feel pleasant. That's me.

I watched a flyer about the festival of fireworks. Ah, we enjoy various things in our lives. Even if life must be short... no, this is not true. Life is short 'therefore' we try to enjoy the fate that we are born in this world. That's very human. I remember a Japanese concept 'mono no aware'. Although life is short, or even if I died tomorrow, I would read a book today. And I would go to vote and try to live honestly even if that action wouldn't change this world. That's from my nature.

In mass media, a topic about 'cults' is hot. TBH, Me, I almost joined some cults. When I was a Waseda student, I almost joined an ultraleft circle. But I found a feeling of 'discord' or 'uncomfortable' so I ran away from it. When I was the 30s, I also escaped from a cult group. I could run away from them because of the 'uncomfortable' 'discord' in my mind that can't become any language. I stared that feeling, and noticed the lies they made or the paradoxes. Then finally, I felt everything was foolish so stay away from them. I believe that the situation which lets us speak about the 'uncomfortable' feelings is essential.

Ah, today I listened to music very much. I enjoyed the 'emo' punk, and also did a gracious guitar by Par Martino. Akutsu's journal says about a song "Last Night A DJ Saved My Life" in Mami Amamiya's book he read. Yes, even if I live a life with 'my ever changing moods' and it must have a serious problem, but sometimes we need to enjoy some books and music as a precious lifeline. I am never strong so I recover from some trouble with The Stone Roses's or The Verve's music. Music saves my life, until now, and from now on...