Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/27 English

I will talk about the `stop-drinking-alcohol' meetings with my friends soon. I'm thinking about what I should talk about. I might have to read Ramo Nakajima's "Tonight, at every bar" again... It has been about six years since I had stopped drinking alcohol. When I had stopped it, I had never expected that I could have stopped such a long time. Of course, I know that a cup of alcohol would start my addiction again. The alcohol which is contained in tiny chocolate is even dangerous. I like Amazake but I can't drink. Oh my gosh. I can't say too much if I think the fact I can live a happier life with a sober mind and body.

Oh, how much I had drunk alcohol? Waiting for graduation, I had tried to find a fine job in Tokyo... I had never known that I am an autistic person, so I could find no jobs because of economical depression, I threw up my mind and started drinking alcohol at the end of days. That progressed... when I was a NEET at my parents' house, and when I started the current job, I still kept on terrible drinking. When I ended the day's work, I went to convenience stores or liquor shops, and I bought alcohol and drank it. That's the end. Of course, my body must have been broken. But I couldn't stop it. Even if I kept my body healthy, my life itself must be already finished... I believed so.

But I thought my drinking must be crazy, so once I tried to google and find how to stop drinking, I learned that my city has `stop-drinking-alcohol' meetings. I called the city office to see how the meetings are. That was the beginning of the connection between me and the city. I was offered that I might attend the meetings... and once I had stopped drinking by accidental headache. The day I noticed that keeping on drinking must not lead me to any good life, I decided to stop drinking. I felt anxiety because alcohol had supported me absolutely. Alcohol had kept on providing me the energy of living on.

So, the fact that I could stop drinking alcohol shows that not only I could escape from addiction (accidentally), the turning point of thinking about how I can get the energy of living on except drinking. Thinking about what should be the true happiness with this healthy body and this sober mind. It must not be money alone (I won't say beautiful lies so I think money is necessary). Delicious meals every day, interesting books, physical work, and calm 'endless days' (by Shinji Miyadai) are the secrets I guess.