When will be the day I'll die? Sometimes I think about this. It might be today... I imagine the death. What are the things I regret... Am I strange? Or I should say I am crazy? Probably. But Wittgenstein, a philosopher I respect, says in his book that the sun might not rise from the East even it has raised from there until yesterday. Our lives have a kind of uncertainty. Yes, Wittgenstein was the person who had kept on thinking about this problem... until he had passed away.
Today I've read Souseki Natsume's, a Japanese great novelist, "The things I remember". In this essay, he wrote about the experience he had had. It was a "near-death" experience. He had vomited blood so much to almost kill himself. But the point I was surprised by this essay is, of course, not only the experience itself. It also shows that he has a strong mentality to look at his death directly. His style doesn't go beyond his modesty. Just he describes what he had experienced simply, step by step.
Ah... I might misunderstand his works or himself. I've read his novels as humorous and sensitive works. Once he writes about a cat's life comically, and the other time he writes a person who gets lovesick for a woman and a man who adores her. He must be so smart. But the charm of his works might be this stance of looking at the problems sincerely? He looks at his death and imagines the "afterlife" or "next life".
He writes about Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky was also the person who had been suffered from the death. He got the death penalty and almost had been killed by the nation. He must look at his death. Looking at our death directly... maybe I need that kind of time to be strong, or to look at my weakness.