2025/04/05 Keep On Movin'

ポリス | シンクロニシティー<40周年記念盤 スーパー・デラックス・エディション> (完全生産限定盤)(SHM-CD)(6枚組)

BGM: The Police - Walking In Your Footsteps

I worked early today. This morning, I joined the daily English Zoom meeting. After that, at 10 a.m., I started today's work. TBH, today I couldn't write notes in English as always I do, so I should try to remember what happened today from my memory. I showed the notebook I've been collecting my pictures to some co-workers, then they seemed to get so impressed that they said I should keep doing this trial. Yes, I want to keep doing this.

I remember... why did I start this trial? Of course, it was because the book café's owner (who also paints his arts) recommended that I should draw my pics. However, that's not enough for me to quest this enigma. At first, when I was 40 (yes, exactly 10 years ago), what if I hadn't joined the first meeting about autism at the antique café in this town? Yes, since that event, everything started flowing like this, and also let me go forward again. If I hadn't started joining this meeting, I could have gotten any courage to do such a brave trial. Yes. C'est la vie...

Today's pic's theme is "3", which came from a favorite hip hop group De La Soul. And also, I added to that several essences such as Yellow Magic Orchestra, etc. As I've written in these diaries, I am just an amateur who hadn't trained the technique of painting seriously (I believe you can see anywhere in this pic that kind of amateurism is appearing). However, at least, I don't want to hurt anyone's minds intentionally, so I choose this "humorous" way to keep drawing.

How have these pics looked to you? I rarely enjoy gazing at any arts (even I rarely enjoy reading manga), so they must be just like snacks you can have so instantly and easily in your free time. It's Okay.

After coming back to my group home, I had dinner. After that, even though the reason was completely enigmatic, I couldn't stay awake no more and I started sleeping soon. So, after checked the draft of the presentation I would have on the next Thursday again, I decided not to do anything but go to bed.

2025/04/04 Draw Like A Child

Selected Ambient Works Volume II (Expanded Edition) [高音質UHQCD仕様 / 解説書封入 / ステッカーセット / ポスター / 12Pブックレット封入 / 国内盤3CD BOX SET] (BRC771)

BGM: Aphex Twin - Girl/Boy Song

I had a day off today. This morning, I couldn't join the daily English Zoom meeting. Instead, as I wrote yesterday, I started writing the draft for the coming presentation I am going to hold on Zoom next Thursday. The title of this presentation is "Better Out Than In", which is also the title which Banksy had used this as his exhibition. Why did I start this "doodling" activity? At first, I met the owner of a book café in this town, and then he recommended that I should try to draw my pics, so I started this, etc... I wrote these things.

After that, during this morning, I went to the library. There, I borrowed two books. Then, I went to AEON to draw today's new pic. However, I'm just an amateur so (even though it's very embarrassing to tell you) I faced a high wall to draw something. In other words, I noticed that I had nothing special to draw. Finally, I remembered how had been my childhood (as I drew in this pic, when I was a kid, I was already attracted to so-called philosophical ideas). Of course, I need more training to keep drawing my ones steadily.

This afternoon, I had a lunchbox. After that, I had afternoon nap time. Then, I went out from my room to the city office, at where I enjoyed the "NAKAMA exhibition" the owner of the book café (as I've mentioned above) held. With my earphones, while enjoying the pictures at there, I enjoyed Brian Eno's ambient songs. Several artists tried to create each one's precious art, that stimulated my soul certainly. After that, I went to AEON again to buy some books.

After that, I went to the park near the city office. There, I saw many Sakura trees were having plenty of flowers even though they weren't blooming fully. After coming back to my group home again, by the dinner time, I wrote my bilingual journal about yesterday. This evening, I spent doing nothing special to enjoy, but with several ethereal music such as Cocteau Twins and The Sundays, I lied my body on the bed reading a book. I wish this fatigue would fade away soon.

2025/04/03 Tomorrow Never Knows

Child’s View

BGM: Child's View - After Image

I worked early today. This morning, I joined the daily English Zoom meeting. After that, at 10 a.m., I started today's work. TBH, on Thursdays another member from an outside company comes to us to help. This morning, maybe it should be prohibited though, I showed the notebook I have been collecting my doodle arts to her, and also the other team members. They seemed to get so impressed with my pictures, and said to me that I should keep doing this. Of course, I was so glad to hear that.

During the morning time, with working hardly as much as I could, I thought about a really easy, instant idea about The Beatles' evergreen psychedelic song, "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds". So, at lunchtime, I started drawing today's pic on the notebook. After doodling it, it seemed to me that changing the brain mode from doodling to writing must have been so difficult that I couldn't write anything meaningful on my memo pad.

During doodling this, I enjoyed several songs by The Beatles. From "Please Please Me", a favorite one of mine "Lady Madonna", and "Here Comes The Sun", etc. After I drew that, I showed it on several social media platforms, or other media etc. Discord, WhatsApp, and LINE... And I've thought this: Basically, I must be so pessimistic that my ideas tend to go down to the "hell" side, too-negative state. However, at least, within me this kind of "funny" and "creative" power seems existing certainly, and that lets me move on and on like this.

After today's work, I went back to my group home. Starting at 7:30 p.m., I joined the weekly meeting on Zoom with my friends. Today, we had no specific/particular topics to enjoy talking about. Instead, we enjoyed having a so-called "free talk" time. The host woman said who would be able to hold the presenter's role at the next week's meeting, and I said what if I would present about the pics I've been drawing recently. Then, she said it's Okay (Sure!). After that, probably I had already been so exhausted, that I fell asleep soon.

2025/04/02 "Don't Think. Feel"

シンク・タンク(紙ジャケット仕様)

BGM: LOVE, PEACE & TRANCE - SOLARIS

I had a day off. This morning, I joined the daily English Zoom meeting. After that, I went to AEON to do some morning activities. I opened the notebook to doodle a picture. This time, looking at a blank page with Blur's provocative album "Think Tank", I thought I should draw a famous Japanese manga character, "Medama Oyaji (Eyeball Dad [目玉おやじ])" from "Kitarou [ゲゲゲの鬼太郎]". So, I did it.

After that, I went to the main house of my group home to see the sub-admin (the admin was having a day off). I had to make a new contract with the city office to use a medical system. After showing this morning's pic to the sub-admin (she got so impressed as usual), I went to the city office with the papers they saved there. However, the city office said I needed the doctor's opinion paper. I have to wait for it would be completed.

After returning to my group home and having a lunchbox, I had a nap. After that, I had nothing to do completely, so I went to the city office again because there the owner of a book café (who is also an artist who had recommended me to draw my pics) held a brilliant exhibition called "NAKAMA exhibition [NAKAMA展]" temporarily.

I enjoyed the pictures there a lot. Life is so strange and enigmatic because I had not been so interested in any arts until last year, when the owner had recommended me I draw my picture, and also keep doing my creations (as you might be able to see so easily, I was interested in literature rather than arts). There, several artists were showing the pictures from their senses so vividly/directly, and I was very impressed.

Was I misunderstanding something? Suddenly, I thought about this. By that time, I simply believed that I should have tried to verbalize anything in my mind so clearly/crisply until they could become so "common", however, at first, I could have to see the chaotic essences in me with courage and these senses.

After that, I enjoyed reading the rest of Yoshitaka Mouri's book "Banksy". Starting at 6:50 p.m., I joined the "danshu [断酒]" meeting. There, I confessed several things, such as the recent "flashback" episode and the trial of drawing my pictures. The leader of that meeting said I should keep drawing mine on and on. SURE!

2025/04/01 Blue Period

EITHER/OR

BGM: Arto Lindsay - You Decide

I worked early today. This morning, I joined the daily English Zoom meeting as usual. This time, the other participants seemed surprised (and impressed) with my Zoom background pic. Yes, I used the "Abbey Road" one on it. Therefore, at first, before going to today's topic, we discussed how each member tries to release their stress. As I've written in these diaries, I had been inspired by a Japanese psychologist, Hayao Kawai's book. The other members said they tried to ease their minds by enjoying shopping, etc.

Then, a member said to us that she would enjoy reading any English article when she felt angry. It was interesting for me because I guess I can stay calm relatively more easily than I had lived in a monolingual situation/environment. In my case, I also usually try to use English to write various ideas on my memo pad. For us, using English can work as a sort of cooler or painkiller.

During lunchtime, I read a chat group's discussion about Haruki Murakami on the app LINE. I remembered an episode that recently happened to me. In another group for English learners, a female high school student asked me what Haruki Murakami's work she should read first. Therefore, I recommended her "Norwegian Wood". However, other members in that Haruki group said it must have been wrong.

Indeed, it was an interesting opinion. So, I thought about it once again. Now, I want her to read Haruki's works from his debut novel "Hear The Wind Sing", because at least for me, Haruki seems to be enlarging his world eventually, bit by bit. So, if she enjoyed his debut novel, and started following his footsteps to his recent works, then she would understand how he has invented his unique style and characters' tapestry. I hope she tries to do so...

After today's work, I went back to my group home. There, even though I had been exhausted (yes, today was also a busy day), as I had done yesterday, I started doodling in a notebook, with Arto Lindsay's music. After that, I enjoyed reading the rest of Yoshitaka Mouri's book "Banksy" a little.

2025/03/31 Better Out Than In

Point

BGM: Cornelius - Point of View Point (Yann Tomita Mix)

I had a day off. This morning, I went to a hospital to see my doctor for a monthly meeting about my autism (BTW, this time I couldn't join the daily English meeting). I shared yesterday's "flashback" and also one of my recent activities, "doodling" with him. After that, I went to AEON to spend the rest of the free morning time.

At first, with Cornelius's music, I tried to write down the several inner "garbage" of my mind onto the memo pad in English as usual. However, suddenly I started thinking about drawing my instant idea on a blank paper, therefore, I went to a DAISO shop in AEON. After I got a cheap notebook, with a frixion pen I started doodling.

After finishing it, I shared it with my friends on WhatsApp, Facebook, and other social media platforms. Then, a friend said that it certainly reminded them of Saint Exupéry's timeless classic, "The Little Prince." So, I spent this afternoon reading "The Little Prince" again to refresh my mind, or to try to go back to my childhood.

TBH, I didn't like this classic (maybe my stubborn bias which said it must have been too childish) before reading it again this time. However, after reading it, I could have felt that actually there was something that empathized with this book in my mind. Is it saying that I still have a "childlike" mind? After that, anyway, I went to the park near AEON because my instinct whispered to me to do so. I think this is a power of this book.

Is it Okay (for me) to keep such a childish mind in myself? At that park, with my frixion pen running on the memo pad to write down my ideas in English (with the music by NEU!), I thought about this. This "The Little Prince" seems to me to be trying to divide people into two types. Adults (the ones who have their adult mentality) and children (I belong to the latter). Yes, I am childish, I guess... Then, what should I do next? Is it possible for me to try to become a "mature child"?

After having dinner, by the time I turned the light off to go to bed, I spent my evening time with Yoshitaka Mouri's book "Banksy". Yes, I adore Banksy, even though I can't keep such a tough artist's spirit in my mind...

2025/03/30 Black Swan Blues

The Bends [国内盤 / 解説・歌詞対訳付] (XLCDJP780)

BGM: Radiohead - High and Dry

I worked early today. This morning, I joined the daily English Zoom meeting. On Sundays, we enjoy having free conversation time in English without any specific topics. Today, a participant shared an English-speaking activity he does as a member of the Toastmasters club. According to his sharing, they hold several bilingual speech contests in this country at a reasonable price. TBH, I've been interested in his (and also, other participants') sharing, so I want to google it more and more.

Starting at 10 a.m. (to 6 p.m. with an hour resting time in between), I did today's work. During the morning time when I was working so busy, I found that a female ex-boss I hate one of the most in this world appeared, and it caused me a strong "freeze", "awkward" feeling certainly (yes, it must be a sort of "flashback" of several traumatic events), so I left from my workplace to the rest room. I can't remember how many minutes I had stayed in there (maybe about half an hour).

Although I shouldn't have done so, I shared this with the ex-job coach soon (Please understand me. This was for me an emergency state). Then, she answered me with kindness. At lunchtime, after I had my lunchbox, I saw Twitter's timeline. If I were young, I would share that "flashback" event, adding plenty of slurs in public. However, I'm not so young that this time I just closed it.

Using a red frixion pen, I wrote about this morning's event on my memo pad in English. Tomorrow, I'm going to see my doctor about autism so I'll share this event with him. He is a specialist so he must tell me from his great knowledge about mental health.

How would my co-workers say about this event? They would say I must be so naive because they love that ex-boss so much. Yes, about this case, I should feel how lonely/isolated I have been. My friends would say I should correct my cognitive biases. I accept their ones. However, even though I try to do so, this sort of "flashback" always... SUCKS. F--K.

Basically, I try not to disrespect other people in these diaries. Needless to say, I'm never a saint with a pure heart (NO WAY!). I just don't have an interest in criticizing others a lot. However, today I've written about this absurd event (almost I write down slurs toward that ex-boss).