BGM: Sunny Day Service - サマー・ソルジャー
Today I worked early. This morning, following my inspiration, I listened to Flipper's Guitar again. Once I had enjoyed the music by this Flipper's Guitar again and again when I was a high school student. They are simply cool for me. In their first album "Three Cheers For Our Side", they sing their tunes in fluent English. This means that they are so smart that they can "use" the influence from various English music as their creation sources, therefore cool for me. They even did a certain "revolution" by doing a brand new trial. And that fashionable and sophisticated action affected me certainly as increasing inferiority complex as a uncool country person. Why? Why am I such a uncool dude? I even thought like this... but it was just a too "simple" understanding. I should learn from them as "being ourselves are enough to be cool". They chased or dug what they wanted to do honestly and dutifully. As a result, they made a few evergreen masterpieces.
Ah, once I was controlled or possessed by a certain jealousy to them. Because they spoke English so fluently that they showed their intelligence too well. Cool... Yes, once I was just a coward to express myself in English. "Why does such poor English as mine deliver something to the world?", "I am really a countryside dude therefore have to be ashamed". Indeed, those bias was silly. I could express myself in English naturally, not being ashamed or jailed in shyness. I should say my truth to the world because that is a meaning of being in this world. Yes, I can get ashamed by mistakes. But through those mistakes, I could get many things. I shouldn't spend my time in a bedroom with thinking or worrying a lot... and I get surprised what I am writing like this. Yes, we can change ourselves and start a new life... Me, that change has been brought by trustable people. On MeWe and in the real world, friends said to me "disco cat, your English is bloody well written" and "your English is neat". Those comments let me start using English bit by bit... and now, I am sinking into a kind of really infinite "blackhole" of English. Facing this hole, my life seems going on and on.
I don't want you to misunderstand. Yes, I am certainly expressing myself in English every day. But I never think that English is absolutely more sublime or extreme language than Japanese. And I also don't stand by its opposite one. Japanese has so many great aspects in it (sometimes people say English is crisp, but I accept that Japanese also can have possibilities to do logical works as philosophy and literature). I can read Haruki Murakami, Junichiro Tanizaki, Kobo Abe and Yukio Mishima in Japanese. That's glad to me. I find that some Japanese are thinking about using English as a too "ideal" action because Japan is just an isle, therefore a kind of closed nation. So Japanese use some strange and funny English. Like Japanese pop music and social scene as "Go To Eat". But I don't want to say "that shows how Japanese is foolish" (we can find many funny Japanese in the world). I just recommend to use English without controlled by that kind of weird bias.
People might say that you could be useless if you are not fluent in speaking English. But I am afraid of misunderstanding an important truth by cheated by that kind of "public" pressure. Me, I just trying to "enjoy" learning English. It is primary pleasant, and will tell me a lot of things so I learn it. But some cynical people could say to me "Oh, you are really an upbeat and daydreaming person! Look at the severe reality". Yes, my learning would be just a playing by the eyes of the people who are trying to survive every day seriously... then, I just say that I will follow this learning as a lifelong playing. This is "my way"... and my life must be this kind of "daydreaming" one. I just do playing during my life, therefore completely separated with the life of a global successful business people who work in their fields in 24 hours. I will live freely, loosely and follow what I believe. And I guess that is an important lesson Flipper's Guitar taught to me through their attitude.
