BGM: フィッシュマンズ - いかれたBaby
Today was a day off. This morning I went to AEON and thought about various things as usual. I can remember this now. When I started attending the "danshu" meeting, a member said, "your eyes were dead when we met for the first time". I can understand it because I couldn't stop alcohol once when I was a fresh member. I had to stop it entirely and seek a brand new life of mine. In short, I lost the fuel or amulet of life, and it means that I lost the inner power to live forward my life. Like Souseki Natsume writes in his novel, Once I was really a "stray sheep". But I trusted the older members who go forward. I just looked at their backs... Now I can find another inner power. That's life.
Today I went to Yamasaki Sports Center to get vaccinated for the fifth time (it was Pfizer. I didn't choose it but I have gotten Pfizer every time). I can't drive a car so used a bus to arrive at the place. The bus moved as the schedule says so I went there smoothly and got it without any trouble. This smooth process is based on the workers there, so I feel thankful for the essential workers, and also the staff from the city office (some of them were the ones I already know because of the "danshu" meeting). Returning to my town, I bought my lunch at AEON. Tomorrow is also a day off so I want to relax.
Suddenly, I imagined whether the people who can't stop alcohol as the past me or the people who have serious trouble reading. I have no comment for them because their life is basically theirs. My comment would be irresponsible. I never say like "never drink anymore". If you can save drinking it so-so, and you allow your health would get harmed, then you can drink within your responsibility. But I... I was the person who made my life complete scrap. From that regret, I want to live my life more active and happier. In the 20s and 30s, the period I could "sew the seeds in my life", I just drank a lot. What a ridiculous life. Now I have no memory to remember and enjoy.
I read Hitoshi Nagai's "Summer holidays of Shota and the cat Insight". A really, truly profound one. About how different the real and dream would be, the fact that I'm here, communication, how death is... every problem in this book is the heritages from ancient and traditional philosophy, and the author tries to tell us the greatness of these problems directly to children, the true readers. If I met this book in my teenage days, I would think about learning philosophy seriously at a university. But now is not late for me I believe. I want to think about the problems I have had since my childhood, not trying to copy Nagai's theories (although copying someone's idea would be a good lesson). By the way, how thrilling this book's conversations are!
