I started having an interest in Haruki Murakami again. I want to read his debut novel "Hear The Wind Sings". It's just a novel about ordinary life. The characters spend their time listening to The Beach Boys with minor activities such as girl-hunting, chatting with beers, and listening to the radio. Yes, those are all... But he wrote about those minor activities in a novel and rewrote the tradition of Japanese literature and our point of view (this is my understanding. Maybe I might misunderstand). By reading this novel, I want to have the decision of affirming this 'ordinary life' again.
When I started having my opinions about the world on a young day, we were asking about how to live that kind of 'ordinary life' again. A Japanese cult Aum did the subway sarin gas attack and it brought us the chance of asking how our souls should be saved and also how our lives have their meaning. I was also having difficulty living my life, therefore, having a question about "how to live any meaningful life? What should be the meaning of life?" passionately. "The Complete Suicide Manual" became a bestseller and Shinji Miyadai said that "Live this endless life"... I remember. This boring life never ends. So we have to adapt ourselves to life...until we will die one day.
But this point of view has the pessimism which means 'living this life' must be terrible as its base. Once I had that kind of the pessimistic point of view. Life must be hard, and even if enduring this life I can't leave anything meaningful. In short, life must be just nonsense... I don't want to tell a lie even if it could sound beautiful. 'My' life could be nothing special. Just a kind of 'killing time' as Shichiro Fukawaza says...
But even if it could be true, I don't want to be cynical to live this life as saying "Life is s**t". Maybe it has nonsense, but I exactly feel satisfied with the meals the staff of my group home cook. Those delicious meals make me think about various things. In "Tractatus Logico-philosophicus", Wittgenstein writes "The world is independent of my will". In other words, there are the facts in the world I can't control or understand. Like the goodness of the meals by the staff of my group home. This simple fact. This clear fact must be a miracle... Wittgenstein says so (At least, I believe so). And I want to follow this 'too simple' point of view of happiness of Wittgenstein.
Anything is nonsense?
It's just a joke I said too much.
The moment like God stands by us lasts.
(Kenji Ozawa "Roller Skates Park")