2022/05/27 English

I decided that I will open the room on Clubhouse at 7 pm tomorrow Saturday. I thought about what I will talk about in the room. This time I want to talk about love. About the meeting which changed my life and destiny. That (even if it was just one-sided) love... the memory that girls had hated me in my childhood. So I had believed strictly that I had no worth to be loved. I even decided I would never be in love and just faced the books in my life... and we met. That meeting changed everything drastically. I want to talk about that.

Try to be logical as I can, and try to think deeply as I can... I have told these things to myself in my life. People tend to think from its atmosphere. They judge by its appearance, not by its essence. And they bully someone. When I was a high school student, the students who had never talked with me started hating me and getting together with the hate for me. I have seen that scenery many times. I am disgusted with the mood the Japanese neurotypical people make. So I try to treat the logic and principle as important things, not an atmosphere.

I read Hitoshi Takenaka's "The age of autism". This book tells us about various autistic people in our history and also the way they recognize the world. About Wittgenstein, Steve Jobs, and Eric Satie... the ism of what they produced has come from their way of autistic thinking. It's clear and interesting. It tells us that autistic people adore being a machine. Yes, I also thought that I wanted to be (like) a machine. I wanted to throw away this physical (sexual) desire... avoiding the emotion and becoming a machine that just thinks automatically.

In "The age of autism", as the conclusion, the author says that the autistic person and the neurotypical person can live in separate ways cleverly. We have to consider the 'inclusion', but if those two tribes tried to live with troubles, our confusion would grow more (like various flaming on the internet shows us). Of course, leading to this conclusion, the author does a very sensitive discussion in the book. So this conclusion has a certain power to impress us. But we have to think about helping autistic people in a way, that also can help neurotypical people too (it's so-called 'reasonable accommodation'). So we also have to think about how to 'connect' both tribes. I thought about this.