I worked late today. This morning, I enjoyed reading Brady Mikako's book "Like A Rolling Gem [ブレイディみかこ『転がる珠玉のように』]". This book contains plenty of tiny, but certainly "twinkling" episodes in her life as a collection of gems. After reading this, I looked at my life history.
Now I can find some precious moments in my daily life, which make me wish to share them with my friends. However, I also tend to think as this... "So what? No one would be interested in this kind of 'banal' topic/meme..." My wish to share any topic and also my ironical sense started spritting this myself by struggling. To share or not to share, that's a question. Those paradoxical ideas always literally "split" me terribly, and even torture my mind.
How can I call this kind of paradox in me? Anyway, even though from my viewpoint I don't care about what my friends share as interesting topics with me (I rarely think they are troublesome, or worthless... I won't tell you any lie about this), I tend to consider my memes/topics must not have any worth but just a waste of time. Oh my. My mind must be totally "crooked" therefore I tend to worry about this.
As for me, actually about writing these journals, TBH I usually write my truths without any "funny" or "exciting" decoration to make them delicious ones. Once, when I was young I tried to write my literally "plain" daily life as a wonderful entertainment like many Netflix content. However, I don't have such a creative imagination therefore my writings tend to end as truly uncool ones. Oh, sharing my truths is even too difficult for me, therefore it certainly contains a certain worth to be thought about.
Actually, in the English conversation classes, even though I have learned English for about 10 years, I still find how difficult so-called "daily conversation", "small talk", or "free talk" is. Maybe this can be from my personality and also my autistic character. But as I have written above, if people allow me to share whatever I want with them, my mind hesitates and even disturbs me from sharing my own truths... For example, today I bought a paperback by Gabriel Garcia Marquez's masterpiece "One Hundred Years of Solitude". Does this attract your interest?
