I worked late today. This morning, I read an English article in a newspaper for homework for the English study club. It's about a school's trial lesson and a good one for reading and thinking about. TBH, I have never been interested in having any family (even at this age, 49) therefore I'm still single with no kid. But, looking into myself I can feel a certain will toward the future starts pouring from somewhere in my mind. How could I be if I were younger at the current time?
I remember - when I was young actually, and also more ignorant, I thought that every (yes, literally EVERY) school must be crap because teachers and classmates seemed truly a group of "goats" who had lost free will or initiatives. Of course, this must be wrong - But even now, I have a certain traumatic feeling about the schools I had once attended. Remembering that, I feel that everything has been changing slowly, certainly...
TBH, yesterday I met my mother at my group home. She said that I should have a suit for enjoying outside activities. I told her that my staff and I would discuss that - and thought that my parents must be great people because even from my point of view I must have been a really "difficult" child to bring up. But they have never thrown me away but tried to watch me carefully (even though they could have made mistakes - as I have done so.) Once I hated them, but now I have "respect" emotion to them.
Thinking about these things - I guess that I can never have a family from now, even though everyone's average life can have a length of 100 years. I accept that as a truth. But, as an adult in this community/country, I want to join various activities as commitment trials, and also afford something to activate this one. I can't see the reason why I can have such a tolerant emotion - once I even had an idea that said that every education system must be a form of brainwashing. Maybe that extreme idea came from my depressive mind and traumatic memories - but they were simply past events, and now is a different time. Yes, I should start my life in a brand new way, to live in tomorrow.
