BGM: R.E.M. - Be Mine
I worked early today. During this morning's work, I had this idea. What would happen if I chose the life as a hikikomori (which means social withdrawal)? This question also means this one. Why do I keep on working? Even though I can stay at home with throwing any duties of mine.
About this topic, I remember a friend of mine who was once a hikikomori too. Therefore, I won's say that any hikikomori life must be prohibited. People tend to face many/numerous troubles of their lives to live on, therefore they might have to live as a hikikomori. Looking back to my own personal/past life, I find that I could live such an isolated life by chance - but I am now working finely.
I ask this to myself again - why couldn't I choose the life as a hikikomori even though I won't believe it must be bad? I can't see, but one reason why I can suggest is because basically I am just a pure, 100% autistic person therefore I can't stay within my room quietly at last. I need to look at this fact - I can't stay still even though I am in my cozy room. And it might be a true misery/tragedy for me as Pascal says.
Looking back to my past, I can remember that in my 30s I had been really living the worst days like hell. But although everything had been such a messed state, I couldn't stop working because my parents were at that time really aged enough so couldn't help me with their money. I tried to keep on working - and finally, I had to get broken completely within my mind.
In the end, I had to stop working anymore for about three months (imagine what I had done, please.) Now, writing this, I can see that must have been the bottom of my life. But anyway, all I can write is this - even though I had to endure such a miserable state of mind, I can't stay still because (maybe) my brain has certainly an autistic character.
A friend of mine told me about his planning of staying in Japan this spring, so I asked this to my friends - Oh, I have to say that NOW I am really, a super active person. I remember the movie "The Crying Game". In this world, this kind of natural character must exist...
