Once when I read a notorious Japanese philosopher Yoshimichi Nakajima's essay, I had learned an interesting concept of "philosophical illness (哲学病)." Yes, I have been also that kind of patient of philosophy. Therefore, I can't stop thinking some ideas of philosophy so deeply, even though I have never studied any philosophy as a professional student at schools.
Today, when I started my work, I had felt really depressed because I couldn't stop thinking such pieces of philosophical ideas deeply/seriously. "What if today were the last day of this life of mine?", and "What if I would die today?" - I am never kidding about this - The idea started getting more confused/complicated as "what if this autistic characteristic would be able to cured completely by any medicines?", "what if this earth would stop its rounding suddenly?" etc.
But strangely, when I start my work, these ideas stop their buzzing in my mind eventually. I can be released by that kind of pressure of any ideas I have written above. I can even hum some popular songs during my work - and today, I could feel that I have got a tiny clue of this enigmatic mechanism. Maybe it comes from this - I just need to open my eyes widely to see the world. That's all, because when I have been soaked into that kind of philosophical delusion, I have been within my closed mind so strictly.
I can remember - I have enjoyed some books about brain science, and they have taught me how our brains are wonderful. My brain is like a kind of really wide and deep ocean - from there I can get almost infinite ideas (as I can get almost infinite resources from the real sea.) Therefore, I might be able to say about myself as I have had a miniature sea, or a tiny universe in me. And also, there is a really huge "3D" world in front of me. And, in a way, I am a connection/junction between that "inner universe" and "outer world".
You might say this idea is simply ridiculous - I accept that. But, if this idea is true, then I can understand how everything in this world is enigmatic, and also amazing.