BGM: The Dust Brothers - This Is Your Life (Feat. Tyler Durden).
Today a friend asked me. "Is your life harder than someone who doesn't have autism?". It's an interesting question for me to answer because I can't imagine how alternative life could be. Once, I had imagined that everything could be completely better (or even more ideal) if I weren't autistic.
Yesterday I wrote about myself as a "tiny person". Today, I read a collection of interview of Shunsuke Tsurumi. He says that he thought himself as basically an evil person. This idea is similar to me. Though you might deny this idea, I say I am basically even evil. It might come from my traumatic days. Being bullied in schools, and also being diagnosed as an autistic person... but maybe my native character might be friendly with that negative idea. From this "bottom" of the world, I want to see everything.
Today I went to the library to borrow the book "American Psycho" by Bret Easton Ellis. But the library was closed. Oh my! So I gave up borrowing. The reason why I borrow that book was because the friend (I wrote above this paragraph) asked me if I had read it. The answer is "Yes". I might have read it for a few times. And now, I am interested in the life of this novel's main character Patrick Bateman. As you might know, he had got so crazy that he started doing various destructive behavior (especially toward women). But, from my viewpoint, he might be the one this consuming world had created. Indeed, I won't allow any murdering. But also, we need to care every sensitive person's mind. How can I get on this reading? Oh my, It sounds like Dostoevsky's novels.
By the way... why? Why do various people like her (the friend) come to me? Actually, on Discord there are about over 100 people in my group (or I should say "our group"). From my viewpoint (again), I won't say I am charismatic. But some people say I am a cool, respectable one. A miracle... I won't tell you a lie. This is a pure truth from me.