BGM: Underworld - Bruce Lee
Although this idea could sound ridiculous, today I thought what can be "the book as my homebase" suddenly. The book which would satisfy my life completely. The only one book... I am now 48. I start feeling that I am losing my vitality or toughness to check new books out. The books which would stay together with me from now... then, for me, they would be the "Tractatus Logico-philosophicus" and "Philosophical Investigations" by Wittgenstein. I also can add the collections of poetry by Shuntaro Tanikawa, or the works by Haruki Murakami or Koutarou Sawaki. Today I did my work, and at my lunchtime I wrote my poetry with reading Shuntaro Tanikawa's poems. I can see that my interest in reading has gone out of the trend. Once, I had tried to own the "book review blog" with my reviews. But now I have no interest in new releases so just I have been digging my hole. Although I want to read the hot book, Saou Ichikawa's Akutagawa awarded one, I am finding that my interest seems to arrive some "old-fashioned" and "evergreen" one.
Yes... Recently I become really "conservative". I don't want to do any adventure in reading. Instead of that, I just want to read Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet" and Atsuko Suga to get comforted even though I have read them many times. I want to enjoy "that" feeling of their works... I even have read the "The Book of Disquiet" five times, but I can't get bored with it. I heard that we will be able to read the new biography about him soon (it will appear in the bookstores in this August). I want to check his footsteps. But... in my life, what will happen? It's "God only knows". For example, I couldn't expect that I would start writing my poetry inspired by Shuntaro Tanikawa. So it would happen that some accidental events would come and I might start reading Souseki Natsume. All I can do is just to open my mind, open myself to the world for those kinds of accidents. Throwing away my tiny smartness, just opening myself with the Bruce Lee's saying "Don't fight it, feel it". Then the coming things would entertain me, and might afford me the ideas of my poetry. It even would decorate my life.
Now I want to write the proses like Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet" because I can never write any novels of mine. If I tried to write that, then I would have to keep on facing the same theme at least one year so I need the steadiness. I don't have that. Today, after my work, I went to the library to borrow Daigaku Horiguchi's anthology of his poetry translation. And until the beginning time of the English conversation class, I read Shuntaro Tanikawa's poems at the food court at AEON. I had a sympathy with his honest, sincere attitude of facing the words and writing his poetry... and I thought I had experienced a lot of languages. I have been through the diversity of Japanese. From any classical, elegant Japanese to frank, pop Japanese. My poetry, my Japanese must come through the mixed state of those Japanese languages. But, it seems for me that I am basically empty even though I look inside myself. This might mean I am honest. I write the ad-lib, readymade poems without any certain themes. That's OK for me. Following my mind's movement... Especially, now is just a "training" or "beginning" period. If I could keep on writing in my 50s and 60s, then I might be able to write a masterpiece. I have to do practice right now.
And this evening, I went to the English conversation class. This lesson is the last one in this season, so we brought our sweets/snacks and spent the time with playing "Jeopardy". A member brought to there with Jelly which contains plum. I enjoyed that, but I learned that she had used alcohol with it so I confessed as "I'm sorry, TBH I am alcohol addicted". I also said that "I can't drink amazake (a kind of Japanese alcohol), then it surprised her. After that game, we took a group photo. After going back to my home, I uploaded rewritten today's poem, and read Shuntaro Tanikawa again... I have a paradoxical character. I get bored with anything easily but I also become maniac about something. This is a character of autism... I can't tell the reason why. By the way, what would I want to do "after" writing these poems? Of course, I want to enrich my poetry blog, but I also want to achieve something... Caring the food, quitting alcohol, and starting walking. Keeping my body healthy. My poetry would come from that kind of stoic life... I am now living Haruki's life or I am already living a "retirement" life?
