BGM: The Jesus and Mary Chain - I Love Rock 'N' Roll
Today I worked late. This morning I went to the library and borrowed a collection of romantic sonnets in England. After that, I started writing today's poem at the AEON's food court. Recently I am busy so can't stay and enjoy chatting on Discord to chill. I am sorry for my absence. Next Saturday I will be able to get a day off, and I want to enjoy small talk even though I have to make up the record of the meeting about autism on last Sunday. I wrote a draft of my poem so roughly. Although I want to open it to the world (for example, on Facebook). But I won't. I want to be modest to open it because I don't want to treat my readers so rudely. I need the time to make my head cool. I start reading a long interview with Shuntaro Tanikawa, and find that I have never known about him almost completely. We can find his works almost everywhere. On the textbooks, advertisements, the cartoon "PEANUTS" he had translated... But I have not learned how he had lived. This is a good opportunity for me. What can I learn?
And evening time, at the resting time of my work, I write my poem completely once more. On a Telegram group, I asked the admin to introduce my poetry blog. Oh my gosh, my life goes around the poetry nowadays. This maniac personality is one of the characters of autism. As I wrote yesterday, I have a friend as a YouTuber. Although I can't have followed his videos, I start thinking that I could add my poems to the melody he writes. Yes, a collaboration. Or another friend's paintings and my poetry... my dreams increase. It makes me happy, and also lets me feel grateful in the current situation. Now I just need to enrich my collection of poetry to wait the time because it is too early. I need the time to realize these collaborations. I share some pics of "本の蔵". I start thinking that I would like to afford the first collection of my poetry to them to share with the customers if I could make it. Can I use the friend's painting as its cover? And I also want to share the income from the book by selling it with her. Of course, this is just a plan. I need to collect my poems.
Is there any writer who had become famous in his/her late stage of life? I adored the writes who had appeared young enough and become famous immediately. Just like Keiichiro Hirano (although I have never read his works), and Ryu Murakami. But I can't become like them. I need to accept that I am lesser than them, and I never have the great talent... I just try to make my talent grow higher steadily, step by step. Then I could become a great old writer as Atsushi Mori and Charles Bukowski. Of course, maybe I couldn't become because there must be a lot of amateur writers who couldn't show their talents. There must be the writers who had been praised after their death like Franz Kafka. I can't control that I would be praised, or become popular. I just make my efforts to keep on writing my best, and try to show it to the world. They are the things I can control. I just do them and wait for the result. God will help me.
I had drunk a lot of alcohol in my young days, and now have a regret a little. I needed to care myself more preciously. But at that period I couldn't see that, and there was no person who said to me "Treat yourself precious". Now I just try to keep/save my inner fire of vitality, and walk forward one by one. I try to write my poems one by one, slowly, slowly... I think that this is really a miracle because I am still alive. Now, luckily, my fire still works. Keep this fire and try to live in my 50s and 60s... to leave the great works as Yoshikichi Furui and Haruki Murakami. Once I felt that I must be sinful because I couldn't have found any purpose or dream in my life. Why had I learned English literature at Waseda? But now, I feel that everything was to be here. I just gripped my interest, and tried to dig it to the other side of this planet even though I have no talent. A long and winding road... to be here. Now the scenery is wide. What kind of inspiration falls from the sky?
