BGM: 佐野元春 - VISITORS
I worked late today. For enjoying this morning's reading, I started reading the rest of Karen Cheung's "The Impossible City". Indeed, I have not read it completely so can't say exact reviews about that. But I have been impressed by that book because it seems a really ambitious one. Through talking about the controversial place Hong Kong, She also tries to talk about her complicated life so sensitively. A great work... And I thought if I could write something like her (this is one of my bad habits. I tend to think about writing like this if I read something thrilling/interesting). Write like her. In short, writing MY memoir. For example, about this Shiso city, the Japanese subculture (Shibuya-Kei city pop, and the beginning of the magazine "Quick Japan"), the Aum scandalous incident, the campus life in Waseda university I had spent my youthful days... These pieces of ideas burst almost infinitely/randomly and flooded from my brain.. But of course, I can't say if I could write it actually as a great cluster of memoir.
Following that "The Impossible City"... Suddenly, I thought about Lloyd Cole's tunes I was enjoying at that time. About this music I remember this. When Kenji Ozawa released his first solo album "犬は吠えるがキャラバンは進む(The Dogs Bark, But The Caravan Goes On)", a writer wrote as "Ozawa will become like a great musician like Lloyd Cole". By reading that article, I decided to try to listen to... And also I can remember this. Once I had tried to be a journalist/freelance writer in a field of rock music critic. I had bought magazines like "Rockin' On" and "ele-king". I guess that talking about that kind of subculture would mean trying to talk about the "Portrait of a romantic" (this is the title of a long novel by Stephen Millhauser). Of course, this is just a readymade thought by me. It has no shape now. I might not be able to write it actually. But I believe it has a worth to write it step by step... I want to do that. Because I am getting becoming 48 years old. I am never young eternally. Soon 50s and 60s comes to me.
I remember the Beatles' song... "Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup". Suddenly, I thought that I wanted to write that memoir of mine by using a subject "YOU". I can remember Jay McInerney's "Bright Lights, Big City" and Paul Auster's "Winter Journal". But for me, it is never from any certain tactics. It is from my instant idea, but I want to write that on tomorrow, next Saturday after today's work. I remember... I also want to write the encountering with Haruki Murakami's books, and the teenage glorious days I enjoyed Flipper's Guitar and Cornelius. Like... "You are thinking about how long your life will last from now. About the time when will that end... And you are also thinking what you have achieved in your life until now. What would you achieve from now, too. By that idea, you tend to think that it would be sweet to die as Pet Shop Boys' tune 'West End Girls'". How does this sound?
I started my work. Today was the day my job coach and I did a meeting at my workplace. So we talked about the content of my work. How has it been going on? And suddenly, I cried a little in front of that job coach because I remembered a lot in my life... If I didn't meet my job coach, then I couldn't live this pleasant/funny days. And also I couldn't learn how to enjoy this whole autistic life. Yes, it is a dreamlike life. Of course, it can't be "a perfect life". I am now suffering from the problem of money management. At workplace, sometimes I feel that I have been treated roughly. But anyway, everything is "tasty". 10 years ago, I could never imagine THIS state. It is really like a manga... After today's work, I went back to my group home. I slept soon so couldn't write MY memoir. I want to write it in my free time. Slowly, slowly. It would end as a waste of time and effort... But so what?
