BGM: Electronic - Soviet
It was 35.9℃. I exchanged some messages with a woman from Russia I had met on Facebook. She said she is reading my diary deeply so I felt glad by that. She also likes Haruki Murakami's novels, and I heard she has autistic children. She told me about them a lot, but I have been single during this life so I can't tell any certain advice. What can I do... and I thought if I connect my friends who also study autism with her. Although telling her about how Japanese situation reacts autism might not be actual for Russians, but it wouldn't work as nonsense... I want to tell her comments to them with my translation. At least, no reaction from me would work worse. But I shouldn't hurry about this so I want to tell her. Yes, I hope we could connect each other, but time would wait for me.
A Japanese proverb says our skill will help us. Although I have never thought about this, and I have even lived with no certain policy, but I might be able to say that I have supported myself with the skill of language if I look back at my life. After graduated Waseda, although I have worked at one company steadily, I even spent my time with alcohol or tried to write a novel to change my life upside down. I lived as a wanderer... and I encountered a friend of mine at my 40. She said to me "your English is so clear", and it worked me as the beginning of this idea. "I have never studied abroad, but I want to write in English". And now, I have many friends who are connected with me as the learners of English on MeWe, Discord, and Facebook. I can enjoy a certain international friendship. Oh, I am impressed by this because I was once hated terribly by others in my childhood. All of my trauma was just a dream? If the place changes, the point of view also changes...
But what can "talented" mean? What does "gifted" mean... Once I was said that "you must be a genius" on Facebook, but I never think that I am a genius. Although I am sometimes impressed (and I even think myself as awful) by the "fluent" English I have written, I notice that I have a lot of "lack of talent" in various fields. I studied a lot but couldn't master French, and I can't cook meals by myself. I can't drive a car. And, whether I am talented or not, I just do reading and learning English because I like them a lot. If I go into those activity, I can even forget my ego. Maybe people look at that myself as I am doing enormous effort or study. I never do effort or study with them. I guess they are the same activities as other people play games.
As I wrote this before in this diary, Talking about talents leads me to the memory of Taiyo Matsumoto's manga "Ping Pong". In that manga, A boy Akuma appears. He dedicates himself to the world of Ping Pong, and does training a lot. But (although this might describes that manga's core), he has to face that he loses. He has to face the stronger player, and learn his limit. But in that manga Akuma can see the happiness for him who did such great effort, and he can accept his happy end. In my opinion, his life must be happy. Yes, we can't say that everybody will end their life as champions even if they do efforts a lot. But I believe that there is a state that the people who do certain efforts can only understand, not related with they can be champions or not. I believe so, and even dream so therefore I learn English. But I am also dreaming that "I wish I could go to the stage of TED as an autistic person from Japan"... So sorry!
