2022/11/11 English

I started thinking that complaining a lot on Twitter must be meaningless. Of course, complaining is for us a necessary habit. I can see it, but I am trying not to write compliant on Twitter. I am never a strong person. I should admit that I am really weak. Once, I always used to write "why have I been born in this world as an autistic person?" on Twitter and appeal how I was miserable. Compared with that period, I might be able to get tough.

Today I worked late. This morning I read Susumu Sogo's "Can't live without movies 2010-2012". Reading his essay about Osamu Dazai, I thought I could say that I certainly read Dazai. Yes, I read his "No Longer Human" and "Good Bye". They are quite great novels and he was truly a genius. But I have never been impressed by his novels. Once I thought that I am "no longer human", but I chose to live this life roughly even if I am an ugly person. This ethic sounds like Souseki I guess.

Even if I tried to make songs, I couldn't make any great songs like Paul McCartney, Sting, and Damon Albarn. Even if I tried to write novels, I absolutely couldn't write great ones like Yoshikichi Furui. I know that, but I write my diary as usual, And I am satisfied with my writing. Why? I can't see. But in my opinion, I got mature to become thinking "I am who I am". I can't become a bestseller writer, but I can love the things in my mind and am feeling satisfied. This might be happiness.

Today I had a meeting with my job coach. I talked with her and tried to find out a way how we can work easier. I met her and started using the system of a job coach. These are the sign of happiness in my life. This world has a lot of crap. I sometimes go into the darkness of this world and think I am ended... but the fact that I have got the habit of writing this diary, doing my work, and writing my memo in English, is the shape of my life I have built through my life. I am proud of that. This is a result of collaboration with my friends. I feel thankful for them.