As I wrote yesterday, TBH once I had asked a friend of mine about changing my job but she answered me that "Are you good at using a foreign language?". Then I answered that "TBH I have never studied it abroad so I can't use it". I strictly believed that my English must not work. Time passes, and another friend said "your English is clear to understand", so I started writing my diary and essays in English. It still goes on. I can't see how high my English can be, but the journey of learning English never ends.
This is embarrassing to say, but I confess that I never decide on any goal of learning English. I guess that it is important to make any goal in the future, and plan how to learn from it. But it is not my way. I just learn English because I want to make friends or tell my life to them. These are the purposes so I am satisfied with translating my entries about my days into English and also increasing my friends. It is a way of learning without making any large goal. Just I'm making one of reaching tiny goals every day. Yes, it might cause a discussion.
I am never a fluent speaker. For example, when I talk with Judith, she tries to have a certain patience to wait for my slow and awkward English. Once I wanted to become a fluent person, but now I think that I must show this me, who is just able to speak slow and awkward English. Always I am having the spirit of "making mistakes openly", and speaking my language which comes from my heart, not my brain with silly tactics. I always just rely on the words from my heart straightly.
At first, I wanted to be a translater(now I know that it is just an idea of an amateur). I tried to learn English literature so went to Waseda university. And my English became so great that I could read Paul Auster's "Moon Palace" in English. But my life went wrong. I threw my life away and became a heavy drinker. Now I stopped drinking alcohol and am trying to learn English again. I have experienced some kinds of spirals in my life, but always English has been near me so it is a common essence I guess. Ah, I am learning English, as seriously as Rocky Balboa.