Today I had to work early. It was a fine day and I had an idea of writing a novel 'out of the blue'. I listened to Spitz's song 'a blue car' after a while. I wanted to write a philosophical thing that fits this song, so I named my writing 'a blue car'. After work, I returned to my group home, and I had dinner. I start writing after that. It was very troublesome, but I didn't want to give up so wrote it with my best effort. It doesn't seem to be interesting, but I want to keep on.
I don't have such a great theme. Just it is (for me) a very ordinary thing. Sometimes (often?) the things I think are interesting aren't interesting for others. Why?... Yes, it can be reversible. I have attracted Spitz's "a blue car" and other people also admit that this tune is a true masterpiece, but I don't hear that this song becomes a million-seller. Yes, just a silly thing. I am not Kenzaburo Oe or Yoshikichi Furui. I never have any global point of view about the world. That's OK.
And I thought I wanted to read Kazushi Hosaka's books again (his books are, in a way, the source of what I am writing like this... like Toshiyuki Horie's or Hisaki Matsuura's books). I will read "Plainsong", "Breakfast on grass", and "Memory of the season". Ah, I adored Kazushi Hosaka, or I should say that I wanted to copy him. I tried to write a novel like his works, but that ended as crap. I have to accept it as a shameful event. What a low ambition! I had to go back to my pure originality. Thinking that I am writing a novel.
But I am not so young or fool that I don't believe that there can be 'a true originality'. But, I was influenced by a Japanese columnist Kouichi Yamazaki, who recommended writing the things which come from 'your distortion (which is from your uniqueness)'. It can't be analyzed by criticizing the things which are already in this world. About my case, even if I listened to Spitz's songs and read Kazushi Hosaka, I couldn't copy them. What I write is mine. My writing has such uniqueness and also might be distorted. Then, I decided to just be proud of it. I swore to keep on writing.